Zack: Did you mean: Only God Will Juggle Me?

Dave:
If I remember Spanish correctly, this is saying "Only God will have juiced me."

Zack: This dude looks so drowsy.

Dave: Don't you dare fucking juge him!

Zack: It's like Garfield if he was a powerbottom twink.

Dave: I think what disturbs me more than "juge" is the weird mix of capital and lowercase: ONLy God WIll JUGe Me."

Dave: I mean, I'm willing to forgive a single missing letter if the aesthetic appeal of the thing is brilliant enough, but this drowsy twink has a lot to learn about typography.

Zack: Yeah, something about this image is really making me afraid that "juge" is not a mistake and it's some horrible verb used by juggalos.

Zack: "We're all juged equal in the Dark Carnival!"

Dave: Juge: to spray with Faygo, esp. during an act of coitus.

Dave: Juge: to use the word "evicted" to describe getting kicked out of your mother's house at the age of twenty-seven in the hope of lending an air of maturity and a suggestion of injustice to the situation.

Zack: Juge: to leave your baby in the car in the middle of summer while you get the color done on your Milenko tattoo.

Dave: Juge: to surrender your entire personality to a group whose artistic credibility is comparable to that of a late-night infomercial for a "Best of Hee Haw" VHS boxed set.

Zack: Juge: to believe credible the claim that the Dark Carnival was about Jesus all along despite content including child murder, rape, and violence against women.

Dave: Juge: to put unwavering faith in the notion that ICP won the feud with Eminem.

Zack: Juge: to carry a hatchet around for self defense and then get knocked out in one punch by night security at the movie theater when you refuse to stop spitting near patrons.

Dave: Well, I think that one makes the most sense: only God will carry around a hatchet for self defense and then get knocked out in one punch by night security when he refuses to stop spitting near patrons... me.

Zack: Although I like the idea of god spitting soda on these people during sex.

Dave: Now that's a religion to which I can subscribe. Tell me, do you have a few dozen really bad white rap CDs that introduce me to this belief system in an incredibly roundabout and contradictory manner?

Zack: Yes. They're all by this group called Mindless Self Indulgence...

More Fashion SWAT

This Week on Something Awful...

  • The Fracking Fables of Groggery Gibbonman

    The Fracking Fables of Groggery Gibbonman

    ‘Toad coin?’ wondered the traveler as he examined the pebble. It did not look all that different from any other pebble, and certainly nothing like a coin. ‘What manner of coin has no head or tail, and bears no seal or flag? Who backs this toad coin, the toad bank? The toad treasury!?’ The traveler laughed, but the toads croaked sternly back at him.

  • Your Dog is Totally Worth Refrigerated Food

    Your Dog is Totally Worth Refrigerated Food

    Spending $10-15 a day on perishable organic dog food is not a sign of a decadent culture in terminal decline, it's actually real good and worth it.

About This Column

Fashion SWAT... the fashion industry is obsessed with impracticality. We know that what designers create was never meant to be worn by the grimy masses, but that doesn't somehow diminish how ridiculous many of these costumes are. Make no mistake, they are costumes, and like a Halloween prize pageant we will turn our discerning gaze on the grievous fashion misfires of Paris, Milan, and New York. We're not pulling any punches, and we're definitely not interested in making any friends. We're Joan Rivers without Melissa Rivers to temper our screeching. We're the Fashion Police in jack boots. We are Fashion SWAT.

Previous Articles

Suggested Articles

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.