Epilogue - Can't Buy or Fabricate Love
Kitty and Doctor Brainstrong watched sadly as the deactivated chassis of DARE descended into the industrial smelter, orange flames licking at its steel legs. The information that comprised DARE's operating system was stored on a single floppy disk in the lab, probably to never be booted on a computer again.
"It's so sad Doctor," said Kitty, suppressing a sniffle.
"Indeed it is," replied Brainstrong. "I have other ideas though."
"For a new version of DARE?"
"Good Fucking Christ, No!" Shouted Brainstrong. "What a total goddamn mess. He tried to rape you in the park, then a hillbilly ran off with him, then he killed seventeen people at a Wal-Mart after a vacuum cleaner got run over by a car? Yeah, let's see if we can somehow top that 'masterpiece'."
"Well, what then Doctor?"
"What do you know about radiation and its effect on ants? I'm thinking if we could irradiate ants in the right way they might grow to a hundred or two-hundred times their normal size and then we could train them to build giant underground cities for us."
The wheels of his incredible mind spinning out his new plan, Doctor Brainstrong and his beautiful assistant Kitty walked out of the smelting plant and into the dawn of a new age. An age where giant radioactive ants ruled cities and their queen had the power to melt humans into puddles of skin with her mind.
Important information on the most populous animal on earth and perhaps the universe.
You may have thought that a long dead author who was basically terrified of black people would be bad at the dozens. And you'd be right.
Featured articles and columns that don't fit anywhere else on Something Awful.