Some other guy wandered onto the screen and decided to not move for roughly three days. I decided that perhaps my over-the-top conversations bragging about my direct involvement in the UN decision-making process were a bit too overbearing, so I tried a more subtle approach by simply asking him if he knew how to get to the UN building.
Apparently the question "do you know how to get to the UN building?" can be sufficiently answered with the reply "im canadian." That's odd, I wasn't aware anybody role played as Canadians these days.
Some guy named "Gimlee" barged into the scene at that point, shouting incoherent questions in broken English everywhere and generally making a jerk of himself. As Secretary General of the UN, I deserve a certain level of respect and courtesy where I go! I immediately issued my demands to Gimlee and I guess he complied with them, because he walked off the screen and that naturally means you can't hear that person any more in Terra World Online. I pity the folks on the next screen.
I noticed AyuRath was waiting, so I replied to his statement which wasn't directed to me, letting him know I'd willingly give him a massage if he wanted one. He did not respond, probably because he was a jerk.
My fortune seemed to be taking a definite positive turn, as Gimlee's departure was followed by the arrival of some hapless clown named "ilita" asking how to use magic! What a glorious day! Finally somebody needed my help, and I could possibly put my powers of the UN to work for good! To make things even better, the person was a little clone of myself (right down to the headband), and it felt really great to know other people from Ghana were roleplaying as Mario Van Peebles along with me.
As you can probably guess, I had absolutely no idea how to use magic. Sure I dumped all my character points into the "Intelligence" and "Wisdom" categories, but I still had absolutely no clue how to cast my infinitely powerful spell of "minor heal." I guess it wouldn't have mattered anyway, since my character had around two hit points and a light wind blowing by could've killed me at any moment.
Gimlee came back to be a menace once again, so I asserted my dominance to impress my new friend ilita and prove I was a guy who could really get things done. Gimlee ran offscreen, hopefully in the direction of English lessons.
Back to ilita: this person was very interested in learning how to cast spells. I'm sure the lure of "minor heal" was intoxicating to him, so I could understand his enthusiasm. Unfortunately, I still had no idea how to accomplish such a thing. I tried mashing random keyboard keys but all that did was make the game text fly all over the window. How could I break poor ilita's heart? I was not a cruel and merciless monster; I was Kofi Annan, Secretary General of the UN! I was a man with responsibility and power! I was a man who got things done! I was a man who studied at the University of Science and Technology in Kumasi and completed his undergraduate work in economics at Macalester College in St. Paul, Minnesota, U.S.A., in 1961!
That's when I got the following miraculous, genius idea. I WAS going to teach that man the powers of magic!
The first phase of The Olive Garden's cyber rollout will introduce their Neverending Pneumatic Pasta Tube. This works on the same principal as bank drive-thru deposit tubes, but with unfrozen linguini and spaghetti.
Do you remember the crazy clothes and hair of the 1990s? Do you remember Crystal Pepsi and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Do you remember where you hid the box your mother gave you?
It's still okay to like Ben Stiller, guys.
Something Awful reviews the worst video games out there.