Aphasiac Media

I wanted to review some tracks from the Billboard Hot 100 this week but found I can't duplicate the bizarre, synesthetic prose found on popular music sites like Pitchfork Media. Fortunately, some people with the language disorder aphasia offered to help me out.

2 - Give Me Everything - Pitbull Featuring Ne-Yo, AfroJack & Nayer

"Give Me Everything" is a nonintoxicating smudge of efflorescent galvanism. A cankered dance beat unfurls in wet occurrences of veinlike grumpiness while Pitbull's orthodox flow shadowboxes nautilus shells in midair. Nayer transplants his solo, barely kayaking taped, unprofitable lyrics. A salmofarious track indeed.
- Brent Wernicke

3 - Party Rock Anthem - LMFAO

Dumb ... lyrics bad ... singer no good ... same as last song ... bad to be stuck in head.
- Kurt Broca

4 - E.T. - Katy Perry

"E.T." fails in two dimensions - four people cultures in Eduardo's said the song presence. Other than leaves the field work to the scenario. Another possibility intense sexual encounter. In attempts to from the exceptional of Ghostbusters. He of sex with with more overall in one dimension; ghost escaped, Egon G2 manifolds. A to a crease be very special, fire house and with Janine. To retain hits. Fortunately, she Similarly, the extra repeat. In response from a sufficient as reflected in builds without release. current adversary, but we make by big hits are second dimension, its is that we for both Perry therefore not a Martin. The result a specific, simple, He continues to pure fluff and usual. He usually throwing such balls still lives in information on their ant crawling inside at Columbia University overall effect is dimension's radius), which Calabi-Yau space, and in the hose.
- Gene Murphy

6 - The Edge of Glory - Lady Gaga

'The Edge of Glory' ambulates with inextensible literalness. A miscible ribaldry ferments as Gaga locutes:

"There ain't a reason you and me should be alone tonight, yeah baby / Tonight, yeah baby / I got a reason that you should take me home tonight."

Dance beats lactate in transiency as the song emigrates the chorus, where it burglarizes a rock vibe as the tamp laywoman catcalls:

"I'm on the edge of glory, and I'm hanging on a moment of truth / Out on the edge of glory, and I'm hanging on a moment with you."

The song enrolls a carpophagous radix midway through, when Bruce Springsteen's E Street sax player Clarence Clemons cudgels a solo in his funereal style. The untroubled solo leads into a ruminant final chorus, an anadromous way to end the record.
- Brent Wernicke

12 - Till The World Ends - Britney Spears

Six weeks since the release of her dubstep-infused comeback smash 'Hold It Against Me,' Britney Spears records a song penned by Ke$ha. It is solid, catchy, and just a touch disappointing when compared with the quality of the previous single. Furthermore, the absence of potential energy in the "critical dimension" explains why flat spacetime solutions are possible. There is a running gag where she often replies with the sentence, "I'm not a ..." followed by what has happened. All in all a top quality tune, as is tradition with Miss Spears. She is depicted as something of a "Goth" girl, judging by the black hair and lipstick. It is also hinted throughout the series she likes older, intelligent men. But so would Pavarotti.
- Gene Murphy

26 - F**k You (Forget You) - Cee Lo Green

Funny song ... man says swear ... posted before friends ... feel clever.
- Kurt Broca

44 - Just the Way You Are - Bruno Mars

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- Writer #2

– Jedidiah (@notoriousamoeba)