This article is part of the YouTube Tour series.
DFH: Alright, close your eyes and think "dadrock."
DFH: Next, click this link and tell me if this isn't exactly what you pictured:
SH: first thing you see when you hit play is a coors light banner and a guy with sunglasses over the brim of his ball cap
SH: three of these guys are hot for teacher, the singer is just the school janitor
DFH: The singer's definitely not allowed within 100 yards of a school anymore.
DFH: Or, likely, any woman.
SH: performing this song just got him instantly added to the megan's law site
SH: now he has an ankle bracelet that gives him electric shocks whenever he does 'creepy rock monologues'
DFH: These guys are actually all pretty good, which makes me wonder how they ended up with an extra from Major League as the lead singer.
SH: Why is he only fat from the waist up? Why is he moonwalking? Is that a pom pom on the mic stand? I demand answers.
DFH: Life's little mysteries.
DFH: They've really got dadrock stage presence down pat, too
DFH: "Musicians stay in one place, singer paces nervously."
SH: hey, look what i found!
DFH: I think attention should be called to Bill "Heaven & Hell" Lanik's radical DAWGWILD shirt
DFH: He also named himself after his favorite side project
DFH: So did I, which is why my full name is Daryl "Fucking" "Rainbow" Hall
SH: Satellite"Flying Frog Brigade" High
DFH: Last but definitely not least, I'm guessing this one is an '80s tribute band
DFH: Complete with remarkably inappropriate leather pants.
SH: do you think these dudes have to keep their band secret from their children
DFH: I don't know about 'have to,' but they should.
SH: if one of these was my dads and i walked on him dancing around like that i would probably never ever want to have sex with anybody or anything
SH: ever again
SH: this is another band that suffers from what i've begun to refer to as a 'musical enthusiasm gap'
SH: this seems to be common amongst daddish bands, there's always one guy who's SUPER into it, a couple dudes who just kinda stand there, and then one guy who visibly does not give a fuck
DFH: It's almost always the drummer who doesn't give a fuck, too.
DFH: Like the drummer has faced the harsh reality that the dream is dead but he spent a lot of money on the drums workshop set and fuck it, he's gonna play it.
SH: also "hey free beer why not"
DFH: Is the weird line dancing something that Aerosmith actually did, or do you think they have little bits of choreography for each song?
SH: i mean i wouldn't rule out the former, but the latter is a certainty
DFH: How big do you think the argument was when they talked about the choreography?
DFH: Specifically, how many times do you think they said the word "faggy" per minute.
SH: lead guitarist is not having any of this
DFH: Toward the end the singer proves he really knows his way around a guitar.
SH: POINT THE MIC AT THE THING AND THE THING GETS LOUD WHY IS THIS NOT WORKING
SH: okay so basically every video we've watched looks like it's in the same place
SH: so i'm wondering - is there a secret dads-only rock club somewhere?
SH: where the wild turkey flows like water and the tv's always on dukes of hazzard reruns
DFH: There's a special section in the Yellow Pages for dadrock bands that you only get if you work for the local chamber of commerce.
DFH: Send up the block party signal and Cap'n Joey and the Easy Cruisers show up dutifully on Fridays around 5 for soundcheck
SH: dial 1-800-ROCK-DAD for all of your entertainment needs; also we can fix cabinets and stuff
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
Ignore the hype. Find out how these games will likely go right or wrong.
Here are some cool music things, maybe u should check them out. And/or here are some terrible music things, maybe u should check them out if u like to laugh or maybe u should avoid them if u get really angry when u see something stupid.
Daryl 'Fucking' Hall and Satellite High riff on the worst music YouTube has to offer. Amateur covers, nerdcore rap, dadrock -- it's all here! Take a free ride!