This article is part of the YouTube Tour series.
DFH: Alright, close your eyes and think "dadrock."
DFH: Next, click this link and tell me if this isn't exactly what you pictured:
SH: first thing you see when you hit play is a coors light banner and a guy with sunglasses over the brim of his ball cap
SH: three of these guys are hot for teacher, the singer is just the school janitor
DFH: The singer's definitely not allowed within 100 yards of a school anymore.
DFH: Or, likely, any woman.
SH: performing this song just got him instantly added to the megan's law site
SH: now he has an ankle bracelet that gives him electric shocks whenever he does 'creepy rock monologues'
DFH: These guys are actually all pretty good, which makes me wonder how they ended up with an extra from Major League as the lead singer.
SH: Why is he only fat from the waist up? Why is he moonwalking? Is that a pom pom on the mic stand? I demand answers.
DFH: Life's little mysteries.
DFH: They've really got dadrock stage presence down pat, too
DFH: "Musicians stay in one place, singer paces nervously."
SH: hey, look what i found!
DFH: I think attention should be called to Bill "Heaven & Hell" Lanik's radical DAWGWILD shirt
DFH: He also named himself after his favorite side project
DFH: So did I, which is why my full name is Daryl "Fucking" "Rainbow" Hall
SH: Satellite"Flying Frog Brigade" High
DFH: Last but definitely not least, I'm guessing this one is an '80s tribute band
DFH: Complete with remarkably inappropriate leather pants.
SH: do you think these dudes have to keep their band secret from their children
DFH: I don't know about 'have to,' but they should.
SH: if one of these was my dads and i walked on him dancing around like that i would probably never ever want to have sex with anybody or anything
SH: ever again
SH: this is another band that suffers from what i've begun to refer to as a 'musical enthusiasm gap'
SH: this seems to be common amongst daddish bands, there's always one guy who's SUPER into it, a couple dudes who just kinda stand there, and then one guy who visibly does not give a fuck
DFH: It's almost always the drummer who doesn't give a fuck, too.
DFH: Like the drummer has faced the harsh reality that the dream is dead but he spent a lot of money on the drums workshop set and fuck it, he's gonna play it.
SH: also "hey free beer why not"
DFH: Is the weird line dancing something that Aerosmith actually did, or do you think they have little bits of choreography for each song?
SH: i mean i wouldn't rule out the former, but the latter is a certainty
DFH: How big do you think the argument was when they talked about the choreography?
DFH: Specifically, how many times do you think they said the word "faggy" per minute.
SH: lead guitarist is not having any of this
DFH: Toward the end the singer proves he really knows his way around a guitar.
SH: POINT THE MIC AT THE THING AND THE THING GETS LOUD WHY IS THIS NOT WORKING
SH: okay so basically every video we've watched looks like it's in the same place
SH: so i'm wondering - is there a secret dads-only rock club somewhere?
SH: where the wild turkey flows like water and the tv's always on dukes of hazzard reruns
DFH: There's a special section in the Yellow Pages for dadrock bands that you only get if you work for the local chamber of commerce.
DFH: Send up the block party signal and Cap'n Joey and the Easy Cruisers show up dutifully on Fridays around 5 for soundcheck
SH: dial 1-800-ROCK-DAD for all of your entertainment needs; also we can fix cabinets and stuff
Obviously, the first thing necessary to getting back in shape is buying a bunch of expensive knick-knacks.
Finally, a look at the candidate's long-delayed tax returns.
Here are some cool music things, maybe u should check them out. And/or here are some terrible music things, maybe u should check them out if u like to laugh or maybe u should avoid them if u get really angry when u see something stupid.
Daryl 'Fucking' Hall and Satellite High riff on the worst music YouTube has to offer. Amateur covers, nerdcore rap, dadrock -- it's all here! Take a free ride!