This article is part of the YouTube Tour series.
Daryl "Fucking" Hall: A little bit about Dapp before we start watching his videos
DFH: He is apparently "the product of a secret government program to create the perfect funkdified super-soldier, in order to defeat the impending emo threat to all humanity."
DFH: This is some serious black-ops shit.
DFH: Well, scratch that. Technically, white-ops. Very, very white-ops.
Satellite High: Can we talk about the picture where he's eating breakfast across the table from his bass guitar
SH: and staring longingly at it
SH: because that picture sort of makes me uncomfortable
DFH: The only ones I've seen are the ones where he's passed out next to his bass on the couch. I assume the breakfast picture is the morning after.
SH: there's a whole bunch of pictures in between but you have to sign up for the bonus content to see the actual bass-fuckin
DFH: After every show, Dapp slinks off to a new venue, hoping to find more innocent citizens on which to release his "badass power-soul free-for-all."
DFH: He also describes his band as a "raucous full fledged jazz-jam monster, like a groovin' Godzilla."
SH: By 'jazz jam' he means 'motown covers,' right?
DFH: I don't want to stick him in a restrictive genre like "motown covers." After listening to a couple songs, his oeuvre is more "songs with iconic basslines, without the basslines."
DFH: Case in point, the first song of his I found, a cover of Peter Gabriel's "Sledgehammer"
SH: oh no i forgot to turn down my speakers and this came on REALLY LOUD and the funk hit me so hard i almost grew dreads
DFH: I really recommend watching the video fullscreen in HD. You can learn everything about this guy in the first fifteen seconds of the video. He counts himself in for a measure and a half, looks directly at the camera, and does the classic "Wait for the funk to hit you" head bob when the band comes in.
SH: ONE TWO THREE FOUR *ignores previous count and plays a completely different tempo*
DFH: Man they do the "funk pause" twice, once in the intro and then once after the first vocals.
SH: this guy definitely practices in the mirror
SH: he winks at himself and shit and looks surprised when he plays a 'killer lick'
SH: WHOA HEY WHERE'D THAT COME FROM
DFH: "Did my hands do that? WOW"
DFH: Ladies and gentlemen, Gary, our terrified synth player.
SH: i think gary is about seventeen
SH: they found him in third period 'jazz band' while ol' dapp was cruisin for chicks
SH: okay, it's over. i'm craving more. more of this funkalicious jammity-jam
SH: these guys really put the 'funk' in 'funktafied super-soldier'
DFH: Like Jean Claude Van Damme with an afro
SH: sweet i always wondered what it would be like if dads had a talent show
DFH: Again, an iconic bassline that Dapp wants absolutely nothing to do with.
SH: oh man this is fucking awful
DFH: I think the gradual tempo increase is suppose to be mind-blowing but after seeing Dapp count himself in wrong, I'm starting to think their drummer is just smart enough to speed up.
SH: their guitar player makes everything sound like a trip to the middle of guitar center
SH: this must be before Gary joined the band
SH: i'm not hearing the sweet synth styling of a seventeen year old asian boy
DFH: I like to think Gary quit because his mom thought it was getting in the way of his studies.
DFH: Good move, Gary's mom.
SH: "hey guys, let's play billie jean and ruin it"
SH: "all right dapp, whatever you say"
DFH: Dapp is from an alternate universe where 311 got into motown instead of reggae.
SH: i spent like half of that video trying to figure out what it says on the curtain
DFH: "World Cafe Live." One of the many venues destroyed by the funkdified power of the Dapp Super Soldiers.
Did Louis C.K. jerk off in front of two female comics? And why are these ladies squandering an opportunity to learn from a comedy legend?
Elliot said my breakup must have been due to the sweater curse, an unexplained phenomenon where anyone who gives their significant other a hand-knit sweater gets dumped. The only way to break the curse, Elliot said, was to destroy the sweater.
Here are some cool music things, maybe u should check them out. And/or here are some terrible music things, maybe u should check them out if u like to laugh or maybe u should avoid them if u get really angry when u see something stupid.
Daryl 'Fucking' Hall and Satellite High riff on the worst music YouTube has to offer. Amateur covers, nerdcore rap, dadrock -- it's all here! Take a free ride!