Welcome to Earth, Please Kill Us All
Well I never like to say "I told you so," but...
I TOLD YOU SO!!!
Feast your bloodshot eyes on this article, ripped straight from CNN.com:
Wow, doesn't this sound strangely familiar to a news post I wrote around four months ago warning you, the general public, of the imminent threat resulting from alien microbes of death? Of course it does! However, I would really feel guilty gloating over my stunningly accurate prediction of such a disastrous occurrence, as mankind will undoubtedly perish due to the incoming Mir germs of doom. Nah, screw that, I'm perfectly happy gloating.
I TOLD YOU SO!!!
All smug and self-centered feelings behind, I'd like to address the issue that Russian scientists raised after stealing content directly from my website. According to Yuri Karash, an expert on the Russian space program, some of the alien microbes inhabiting the Mir give off corrosive agents such as acetic acid and release toxins into the air, placing them into the same classification as Bud Light. So later this month, when yet another hunk of Russian garbage falls from the sky into the ocean, we'll have a new threat on our hands, the Mir Death Virus. I think we can pretty much assume that we're all going to experience slow, painful, agonizing deaths from this alien bacteria, so I'd like to share a short list of things you can do to prevent getting your flesh stripped off my the Mir Death Virus.
I hope these tips help you fight off the inevitable plague of deadly space spores from hell. If they don't, well, prepare for the worst. While your frail body is being eaten alive by deadly Mir microbes from outer space, keep this in mind:
I TOLD YOU SO!!!
Cliff Cliff Cliff!
This just in: CLIFF YABLONSKI HATES ME!
That was very odd... I didn't even think Cliff knew how to operate the caps lock key. Oh well, be sure to check out the latest five pages of people Cliff hates (besides me).
The ROM Pit has been updated with a brand-spankin' new review of another horror, Nintendo's "Dick Tracy." Ugh.
Honestly, what could you expect from Bandai, who made some of the worst trash for Nintendo? Read it and weep.
Taco On Tape
Taco the Wonderdog, SA's only hosted dog of the wonder variety, has created a whole bunch of new mp3s on his site. As far as I can tell, roughly 145% of them are simply some crazed lunatic screaming into a microphone while somebody breaks things in the foreground. Don't let me ruin the surprise for you though; see for yourself.
Republicans announce that all legislation must be voted on at 2am in a secret chamber, with no one but the lobbyists who write the bills seeing a single line of text. Democrats' Response: Stumbling around a field stepping on rakes, handles smashing them directly in their faces every single time.
There is a witch hunt going on right now and I promise you that you will not find any witches in the pleasure room in my congressional office.
For fans of meaningless awards, these awards are extra meaningless.
Buy three Epic Loot Crates for only $7.99, get a free fourth loot crate for only $2.99!
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.