Hey all, I never really thought to post about this until I started reading a few posts (this forum is awesome for helping out people) and then I looked up some stuff up online. For like a year or two now, when I passed a large stool, I would sometimes feel a sharp pain followed by bright red blood on the BM/in the bowl, and that usually lasted for 1-2 BMs. It only happans when I pass large stools, so I assumed it was just tearing my anal wall or whatever it's called
I assume I just have a small asshole
Boner Wad posted:
Sometimes when I'm very very hungry it feels like my spine or my neck makes this weird feeling and sounding noise. Is this normal? What causes this?
Maj Payne posted:
I've been having a debate with my house mates all day about what happens when you spank the dolphin after having a vasectomy (the chop), and wondered if any of you goons could let us know.
When do you know when to stop? Does a big puff of air come out? Or do your balls just go massive?
I'll give you a serious reply slapstick:
My experience with the shadow people dates back to when I was about fifteen. I had been working on astral projection with limited success, when one night while attempting I suddenly felt myself drop through the bed. I was amazed to have found myself in the astral plane.
I then began trying to project to the dharmic plane, but while entering a trance state the edges of my vision began blackening. I heard a voice telling me "don't enter here, you are not ready." A man who looked like the black spy from spy vs spy stood in front of me. I asked him what he meant by this and he explained to me that the shadow people must guard those still bound to a body from entering the dharmic plane. He told me those of us still connected to our bodies our bound to the physical and astral planes. I was then violently jerked back into my physical body and experienced projection paralysis.
I believe he did this as a warning against me ever trying to re-enter the dharmic plane, I have the utmost fear and respect for the shadow people. There really isn't anything you need to know about them beyond that, just stay out of the dharmic plane... please.
"Wipe until it's gone" guy here. Never had skid marks, never will. It's an art form.
Watch your diet - high fatty foods, alcohol, junk food - these are the dark side of the force. Will mess your shit up.
Lots of fiber, help you it will.
Let the poo flow from you, relax and don't pinch. Let it drop. Rock back and forth, gently, to dislodge any stubborn clingers. Check the toilet water reflection to see if anything is still col' chilin' on your ass. Also, you might need to shave/trim some of the pube overflow that extends back to prevent any poo from hanging on in a last-ditch effort to hang out next to your anus.
Start with dry paper, wipe a few times to get a feel for how bad it is. If you come clean after two-three wipes, you're done!
If not, hopefully there's a sink handy. I've heard of people using water dunked in the toilet, even I've never tried that. Get some (hopefully double ply), fold it back and forth several times, then get it damp. Do that several times, then finish up with dry again.
I've got myself trained to crap about 30 minutes after waking. Then, I can clean things out completely in the shower before work. Little soap, water, and some scrubbin' can clean the whole hole for you in no time flat. Don't be a pussy, you can wash your finger off when you're done.
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
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