Therapy can be extremely expensive. That's why for this week's Comedy Goldmine, I've decided to do something nice for all of you suffering from issues with your parents. This is your chance to get it all off your chest. Did mom ever take part in a wedding karaoke session? Did dad turn up drunk at your sports game, musical performance or courthouse trial? I'm allowing the mentally disturbed forum goons to open up and cry on my shoulder as they share their stories of embarrassing parents. Let's listen to Marilyn Manson and talk about how much we hate our moms!
My Mom has a really bad habit of asking a question that would otherwise be rhetorical, but expects a serious answer.
"GODDAMMIT! THESE TAMPONS OPEN UP SQUARE!! DO THEY THINK WOMEN HAVE SQUARE VAGINAS?!"
My mother farted in the car coming home from P.F. Changs. Trying to be polite, I didn't want to say anything, so I calmly held it for a while and quietly declared "Man, it's hot in here" and rolled down the window.
For some reason my mom rented Clerks when it first came out.
Yeah, we got as far as "YOU SUCKED 37 DICKS?!".
My Mom decided to tell me about the size of my dad's penis...and how he used to say, "It's not the size of the wand but the magic that counts."
Finding my dad's porn stash on his computer was a bit disturbing.
I never said anything to him about it so I guess it wasn't ever really a "situation" as defined by this thread, but it's still very awkward accidentally opening up the wrong .avi file to find a young girl sitting on a dildo. The thought of him beating off to that still makes me semi-uncomfortable around him sometimes.
My mom heard me take a political poll on the phone and sat on the floor of the sewing room for an hour, quietly weeping, her tears wrinkling the pages of her bible.
The time my dad asked if I had started having sex yet and for some stupid reason I told him that I indeed had. He then told me he was happy/proud for me about it, then went on to describe his first time when he was 15. This involved the dialogue of "Where does it go?" and such, so it was pretty fucking horrible for me.
The Flying Fish
I was about 11 and after watching the news asked my mum what a paedophile was. She fucking described not only what they do but how they do it.
If that boy isn't willing to shoot his laser and get you that carbon, he's not worth your time.
REFORMED HOG - Former member of the swine family, has now agreed to behave like a proper dog. Free to patient home willing to overlook physical defects. 555-2519
Available in Large, which is actually a Medium stretched out to appear bigger.
If you're in a tight spot, this is going to be really helpful (I'M JOKING. I'M KIDDING AROUND)
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.