Step Two: Know Your Enemy's NeedsLooks like someone reeled in the Kraken's little sister.Imagine this! You are actually dating someone for once and you want to surprise them with their favorite meal in an effort to trick them into having sex with you. Since you don't pay attention to their needs because you're so absorbed in your hobby of fishing you totally botch the romantic dinner by making your vegetarian girlfriend a plate of hot uncooked cow arteries. The lesson here is that girlfriends and fish have very specific needs, and you're not going to get them in your catch bucket by serving up uncooked cow arteries.
Ready to head out on your new boat and toss some #4 Intimidator die-cast cars into the deep blue? Read on and find out what it takes to bring home the underwater bacon at various locations.
Dolphins are highly intelligent and react well to bait that challenges their mind. Try using puzzles, books of riddles, or algebra tests.
Crabs will eat anything you put on the end of a hook; including unwanted corpses. Dispose of murder victims and catch dinner at the same time.
Tuna Fish like donuts.
Trout are very optimistic and react best to daily affirmations and upbeat Bible quotes.
Carp are considered nature's dumpster. Their favorite food is actually nature's other dumpster; whole live goats.
Red Snappers enjoy a surprise. Bait your hook with a wrapped present or piñata.Fish on money?! I don't know what exactly this means but I think it's a safe bet that it's "trouble"!
Catfish are not actually related to cats at all. I know! How weird is that? However, much like cats their favorite food is boiled and compressed hog anuses.
Swordfish gain their name from their slight physical resemblance to a sword and their ability to run Spaniards through. Just like swords the Swordfish wants only one thing out of life; the love of the Queen of England. Bait your hook accordingly.
Barracudas prefer hooks baited with excise tax.
Salmon are particularly fond of cigarettes and casino gambling.
Lobsters are connoisseurs of various molten igneous rocks. Pieces of paper with the words "MMMMM, LAVA" written on them will also suffice.
Sharks are the undisputed kings of the deep and mercilessly pursue prey. They enjoy meals that are fast and elusive, making Dale Earnhardt memorabilia perfectly suited for shark bait.
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
Ignore the hype. Find out how these games will likely go right or wrong.
Doing some reps on the water bottle huh. I prefer bench press myself. Just kidding - stay hydrated.
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