The Lasers of the Aryan Brotherhood

Rudy: You need to provide the laser light technician, correct

SS_HH: I AINT GOT A LASER TECHNICIAN BUT DAN TANNER SELLS RED DOT SIGHTS AT HIS STORE MAYBE HE KNOWS

Rudy: It's not like laser pointers. We use software and you operate all of the light show through a laptop computer.

SS_HH: COMPUTER? WELL THATS EASY WE ALL GOT WEBSITES AND BLOGS AND WHATNOT. I EVEN MADE A DOOM WAD ONCE BACK IN THE DAY

Rudy: It's a little bit more complicated than that

SS_HH: OH REALLY? YOU EVER OPEN UP A DOOM WAD AND TRY TO PUT IN MAGIC JOHNSON FOR AN IMP AND MAKE HIM THROW AIDS BASKETBALLS?

Rudy: No

SS_HH: RUNNING A LASER PROGRAM CANT BE NO HARDER THAN TURNING A CACODAEMON BROWN AND GIVING IT A BIG NOSE

Rudy: Okay, well, we can provide a little training on the software when you rent the equipment. Is that basic package where you wanted to start?

SS_HH: YEAH I GUESS IF LASERS COST LIKE A MILLION DOLLARS TO DO A SINGLE STINKING SHOW LETS START AT THE BOTTOM SO YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS IN BIG LASER CAN TAKE OUR MONEY

Rudy: We are competitively priced.

SS_HH: YEAH I BET ANYWAY YOU JUST GO ON ABOUT THE LASERS

Rudy: The basic package includes your choice of pre-included graphics. We have packages for generic events or you can put a program together yourself from the graphics we have on hand. Is this a birthday?

SS_HH: APRIL 20 MOST IMPORTANT BIRTHDAY IN THE WORLD

Rudy: Alrighty, well we've got a selection of birthday graphics. Cakes, balloons, that sort of thing, and you can enter text in and it will do what you want.

SS_HH: TELL ME IF THIS WILL WORK

Rudy: Ok...

SS_HH: I WANT A WINDOW WITH ONE OF THOSE SIX SIDED STARS ON IT AND I WANT IT IN BLUE LASERS AND THEN I WANT A RED LASER FIST TO COME IN AND BREAK THE WINDOW

Rudy: We could do that, but it would be considered a custom animation

SS_HH: YOU GOT A BLACK LASER?

Rudy: No, red, blue, and green

SS_HH: BROWN?

Rudy: Nope, sorry

SS_HH: OKAY HOW ABOUT THIS

SS_HH: TAKE THE BLUE LASER AND THAT CAN BE THE BROWN LASER AND HAVE A BLUE MAN WALK ON AND START GRABBING THE BOOBS OF A GREEN WOMAN AND THEN A RED MAN COMES IN AND KNOCKS THE BLUE MAN DOWN AND HOLDS UP A SHIELD TO PROTECT THE GREEN WOMAN

Rudy: That's probably more than we can do with a single animation, but we might be able to work something out

SS_HH: OKAY GREAT HOW ABOUT TEUTONIC RUNES YOU GOT THOSE IN THE COMPUTER?

Rudy: I don't think so. I'm not sure what that is but you can check.

SS_HH: OKAY WELL IF NOT IT NEEDS TO SPELL OUT A MESSAGE THAT CATCHES ON FIRE

Rudy: We can definitely do that, we have fire lettering

SS_HH: YES FIRE LETTERING PERFECT

SS_HH: OKAY IT SHOULD SPELL OUT H-A-P-P-Y

Rudy: Happy

SS_HH: B-I-R-T-H-D-A-Y

Rudy: Happy Birthday

SS_HH: RIGHT, YOU GOT AN OOMLAUT?

Rudy: What's that?

SS_HH: THOSE LITTLE DOTS OVER LETTERS

Rudy: I don't think so

SS_HH: ALRIGHT THEN F-U-E-H-R-E-R

Rudy: Happy Birthday Fuehrer

SS_HH: RIGHT THAT'S THE FIRST LINE AND THEN I HAVE A CUSTOM PICTURE AND THEN UNDERNEATH THAT A-D-O-L-F

Rudy: Adolf Hitler are you serious?

SS_HH: ASS CRYSTALNACHT MY ARYAN BROTHER

Rudy: Thanks for wasting my time you racist asshole

SS_HH: YOU ARE AN ALL WHITE BUSINESS RIGHT?

Rudy: FUCK YOU LUNATCI!!

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)