Rudy: You need to provide the laser light technician, correct
SS_HH: I AINT GOT A LASER TECHNICIAN BUT DAN TANNER SELLS RED DOT SIGHTS AT HIS STORE MAYBE HE KNOWS
Rudy: It's not like laser pointers. We use software and you operate all of the light show through a laptop computer.
SS_HH: COMPUTER? WELL THATS EASY WE ALL GOT WEBSITES AND BLOGS AND WHATNOT. I EVEN MADE A DOOM WAD ONCE BACK IN THE DAY
Rudy: It's a little bit more complicated than that
SS_HH: OH REALLY? YOU EVER OPEN UP A DOOM WAD AND TRY TO PUT IN MAGIC JOHNSON FOR AN IMP AND MAKE HIM THROW AIDS BASKETBALLS?
SS_HH: RUNNING A LASER PROGRAM CANT BE NO HARDER THAN TURNING A CACODAEMON BROWN AND GIVING IT A BIG NOSE
Rudy: Okay, well, we can provide a little training on the software when you rent the equipment. Is that basic package where you wanted to start?
SS_HH: YEAH I GUESS IF LASERS COST LIKE A MILLION DOLLARS TO DO A SINGLE STINKING SHOW LETS START AT THE BOTTOM SO YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS IN BIG LASER CAN TAKE OUR MONEY
Rudy: We are competitively priced.
SS_HH: YEAH I BET ANYWAY YOU JUST GO ON ABOUT THE LASERS
Rudy: The basic package includes your choice of pre-included graphics. We have packages for generic events or you can put a program together yourself from the graphics we have on hand. Is this a birthday?
SS_HH: APRIL 20 MOST IMPORTANT BIRTHDAY IN THE WORLD
Rudy: Alrighty, well we've got a selection of birthday graphics. Cakes, balloons, that sort of thing, and you can enter text in and it will do what you want.
SS_HH: TELL ME IF THIS WILL WORK
SS_HH: I WANT A WINDOW WITH ONE OF THOSE SIX SIDED STARS ON IT AND I WANT IT IN BLUE LASERS AND THEN I WANT A RED LASER FIST TO COME IN AND BREAK THE WINDOW
Rudy: We could do that, but it would be considered a custom animation
SS_HH: YOU GOT A BLACK LASER?
Rudy: No, red, blue, and green
Rudy: Nope, sorry
SS_HH: OKAY HOW ABOUT THIS
SS_HH: TAKE THE BLUE LASER AND THAT CAN BE THE BROWN LASER AND HAVE A BLUE MAN WALK ON AND START GRABBING THE BOOBS OF A GREEN WOMAN AND THEN A RED MAN COMES IN AND KNOCKS THE BLUE MAN DOWN AND HOLDS UP A SHIELD TO PROTECT THE GREEN WOMAN
Rudy: That's probably more than we can do with a single animation, but we might be able to work something out
SS_HH: OKAY GREAT HOW ABOUT TEUTONIC RUNES YOU GOT THOSE IN THE COMPUTER?
Rudy: I don't think so. I'm not sure what that is but you can check.
SS_HH: OKAY WELL IF NOT IT NEEDS TO SPELL OUT A MESSAGE THAT CATCHES ON FIRE
Rudy: We can definitely do that, we have fire lettering
SS_HH: YES FIRE LETTERING PERFECT
SS_HH: OKAY IT SHOULD SPELL OUT H-A-P-P-Y
Rudy: Happy Birthday
SS_HH: RIGHT, YOU GOT AN OOMLAUT?
Rudy: What's that?
SS_HH: THOSE LITTLE DOTS OVER LETTERS
Rudy: I don't think so
SS_HH: ALRIGHT THEN F-U-E-H-R-E-R
Rudy: Happy Birthday Fuehrer
SS_HH: RIGHT THAT'S THE FIRST LINE AND THEN I HAVE A CUSTOM PICTURE AND THEN UNDERNEATH THAT A-D-O-L-F
Rudy: Adolf Hitler are you serious?
SS_HH: ASS CRYSTALNACHT MY ARYAN BROTHER
Rudy: Thanks for wasting my time you racist asshole
SS_HH: YOU ARE AN ALL WHITE BUSINESS RIGHT?
Rudy: FUCK YOU LUNATCI!!
2 PM: Steven J. accidentally drops his vintage Trapper Keeper, revealing erotic drawings of the ‘bunny girls’ emoji. The room draws silent. Slowly, member after member opens his/her notebooks and tablets, revealing dozens of pages of bunny girl emoji fanart. The room votes 12-0 never to speak of this again.
He was ripped off for True Detective, now Thomas Ligotti is being asked to review Pizza Hut's new Hotdog Pizza Bites.
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