Rudy: You need to provide the laser light technician, correct
SS_HH: I AINT GOT A LASER TECHNICIAN BUT DAN TANNER SELLS RED DOT SIGHTS AT HIS STORE MAYBE HE KNOWS
Rudy: It's not like laser pointers. We use software and you operate all of the light show through a laptop computer.
SS_HH: COMPUTER? WELL THATS EASY WE ALL GOT WEBSITES AND BLOGS AND WHATNOT. I EVEN MADE A DOOM WAD ONCE BACK IN THE DAY
Rudy: It's a little bit more complicated than that
SS_HH: OH REALLY? YOU EVER OPEN UP A DOOM WAD AND TRY TO PUT IN MAGIC JOHNSON FOR AN IMP AND MAKE HIM THROW AIDS BASKETBALLS?
SS_HH: RUNNING A LASER PROGRAM CANT BE NO HARDER THAN TURNING A CACODAEMON BROWN AND GIVING IT A BIG NOSE
Rudy: Okay, well, we can provide a little training on the software when you rent the equipment. Is that basic package where you wanted to start?
SS_HH: YEAH I GUESS IF LASERS COST LIKE A MILLION DOLLARS TO DO A SINGLE STINKING SHOW LETS START AT THE BOTTOM SO YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS IN BIG LASER CAN TAKE OUR MONEY
Rudy: We are competitively priced.
SS_HH: YEAH I BET ANYWAY YOU JUST GO ON ABOUT THE LASERS
Rudy: The basic package includes your choice of pre-included graphics. We have packages for generic events or you can put a program together yourself from the graphics we have on hand. Is this a birthday?
SS_HH: APRIL 20 MOST IMPORTANT BIRTHDAY IN THE WORLD
Rudy: Alrighty, well we've got a selection of birthday graphics. Cakes, balloons, that sort of thing, and you can enter text in and it will do what you want.
SS_HH: TELL ME IF THIS WILL WORK
SS_HH: I WANT A WINDOW WITH ONE OF THOSE SIX SIDED STARS ON IT AND I WANT IT IN BLUE LASERS AND THEN I WANT A RED LASER FIST TO COME IN AND BREAK THE WINDOW
Rudy: We could do that, but it would be considered a custom animation
SS_HH: YOU GOT A BLACK LASER?
Rudy: No, red, blue, and green
Rudy: Nope, sorry
SS_HH: OKAY HOW ABOUT THIS
SS_HH: TAKE THE BLUE LASER AND THAT CAN BE THE BROWN LASER AND HAVE A BLUE MAN WALK ON AND START GRABBING THE BOOBS OF A GREEN WOMAN AND THEN A RED MAN COMES IN AND KNOCKS THE BLUE MAN DOWN AND HOLDS UP A SHIELD TO PROTECT THE GREEN WOMAN
Rudy: That's probably more than we can do with a single animation, but we might be able to work something out
SS_HH: OKAY GREAT HOW ABOUT TEUTONIC RUNES YOU GOT THOSE IN THE COMPUTER?
Rudy: I don't think so. I'm not sure what that is but you can check.
SS_HH: OKAY WELL IF NOT IT NEEDS TO SPELL OUT A MESSAGE THAT CATCHES ON FIRE
Rudy: We can definitely do that, we have fire lettering
SS_HH: YES FIRE LETTERING PERFECT
SS_HH: OKAY IT SHOULD SPELL OUT H-A-P-P-Y
Rudy: Happy Birthday
SS_HH: RIGHT, YOU GOT AN OOMLAUT?
Rudy: What's that?
SS_HH: THOSE LITTLE DOTS OVER LETTERS
Rudy: I don't think so
SS_HH: ALRIGHT THEN F-U-E-H-R-E-R
Rudy: Happy Birthday Fuehrer
SS_HH: RIGHT THAT'S THE FIRST LINE AND THEN I HAVE A CUSTOM PICTURE AND THEN UNDERNEATH THAT A-D-O-L-F
Rudy: Adolf Hitler are you serious?
SS_HH: ASS CRYSTALNACHT MY ARYAN BROTHER
Rudy: Thanks for wasting my time you racist asshole
SS_HH: YOU ARE AN ALL WHITE BUSINESS RIGHT?
Rudy: FUCK YOU LUNATCI!!
This is your typical consumer model throne. If you just want a cheap prop, it's fine. If you want to actually sit like a king, pony up the cash and get yourself a prosumer model. This entry level stuff is more for a duke or baron at best.
Do you wish to know what computers will be doing in the year to come? With a sigh I shall exert the minimal effort it takes to reveal all. Feel free to print out these predictions and share them with your friends via fax.
Our Something Awful ICQ pranks target the worst and most idiotic folks on the Internet. Believe it or not, these ICQ pranks are all - unfortunately - real.