warnging: this story might not make any senst I am so fucket on pills rioght now (green dandies from rich perry plus big whites from mom LOVE YOU MOM) but fuck it Im going to say it anyway. Nobody else will say it. Everybdy always so careful with what they say.

Thats one thing I miss about mrs. palin she would say whateve rshe thought of it didn't matter if she couldn't think of like history facts or ancadotes about todd she would just describe what she was looking at. I miss that honesty man it might not have made any sensts either but it was REAL

So here I am, year end, new years coming up the year of the Johnston drawing to a close. Still not president. Still not sexiest man alive (Technically of course FOR REAL I am) who says People magazine gets to decide that. Who are they? I only ever saw that piece of shit in my dentist office and fuck that I am not reading that I will read that crinkly copy of sports illustrated from like the 2008 NBA playoffs.

Been covering this rodeo for this stupid website. GOP primary. Fuck it. Who cares, right? Mitch Romeny that dipshit is gonna win now. Yesterday it was Ronnie Paul. Big R looking like the north pole elf that got brain damage from a conveyor accident and talks about how bad government is and I was like n-word, if government is so bad how come you are a congressman and he tried to say something and I just palmed his face and was like C-YA bitch.

Yeah this guy who can barely finish sentnces and has a big racist newspaper with HIS NAME in the tile is gonna be president ha haI guess like pasty computer science college majors love ron paul but that is like the anti levi johnston so send your complaint emails to wwww dot bitch. I have a major in getting sideways on pills, knocking up waitresses, snow machine stunts and driving into buildings in a jeep and fleeing the scene so they can't breathalyze you. I went to a ron paul rally and there was like one girl there and she looked like all creepy and skinny like with one of those weird birth diseases that back 200 years ago would have got a whole village on your ass and then they would have stoned you and buried you with salt and a magnet in your mouth or something.

Before ron paul it was nude gingrich ah ha NO THANKS. I'd rather spaghetti slurp the bung pull from a moose than see that ddudes unit. He looks like a horrible old baby man with an always mad face. What's up dude. Your wife is scaring the shit out of me again. HSSSSSS!!!

Some people say stan torum is up next on the polls. Whatever. Did you see that bitch? He was dressed head to toe in orange wearing an NRA hat and its like fuck dude just chill out. You don't have to tape shotguns to your face or something just crack some beast ices and sit on a lawn chair in the back of tuckers f150 drive by shooting at mailboxes or something. Your frigging trying too hard dude.

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About This Column

Levi "HOckey" Johnston is a pro writer now and hockey expert since forever. He comments regularly on family life, politics, Alaska, hockey, vag, babies, babes, 4x4s, hunting, and stuff like that. Oh, yeah, and he was engaged to Bristol Palin and had one (two) kids with her, so...I can put anything here? He also fights like a devil and pounds poon like a demon. He's pretty much unbelievable. His life is a raw adventure to the root.

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