I can't help it, I start laughing whenever I think about how boss this ideas is.Yyyyyooooo what is up Detroit!? Do people still live in Detroit? I think it might just be Robocop and the crew of Life After People in that city. Of course you all have been missing me like crazy, wondering when some story come up in the news make me rebelant again. Bitches I am always rebelant. I am like Shakespeare or math or something.

Fucking Mrs. P is barely in the news anymore because that squinty eyed baby fucker Donald Trump took over her spot as the dippest shit. Oh ho ho big frigging deal Donald Trump, congratulations on having a fucking plaza named after you. Let me know when you have two sex moves named after you, because I got that.

I am not impressed with you squinty motherfucker looking like you cut the wing off a duck and put it in your head. If I wanted a plaza I could have a plaza there's one like two blocks from my house that sells eskimo cigarettes and has a pizza place that used to be a pizza hut but they lost their franchise for doing bareknuckle fights in their kitchen for money and now it's called pizza hat and they colored in the logo with black marker to make it a top hat.

They are dripping in their panties to be called Johnston Plaza but I was like HOW MANY slim jims? I don't think so nanook I need lifetime supply levels plus swischer sweets. TA-DOW.

So I was reading on Twitter that Bristol is making the big bucks doing her anti-fucking lectures for the sort of useless chodemos who think screwing before marriage is wrong for some reason. Guess what, idiots? Monkeys don't EVER get married and they do it non-stop. They will do it right in front of kids at the zoo. They don't give a fuck about anything.

I am anti-abstinence. Forget before marriage, I want to give lectures about getting babies laid. I know that will raise some eyebrows around town, but fucking truth hurts, motherfuckers. Babies want to fuck, they just can't talk, which means no pick-up lines. They got to rely on a solid wing man. Or the Internet. BOOM. That's the next facebook right there. Baby hookups. Anybody know how to do a virtual reality thing? Text me. We'll do the baby hookups and another one where babies can go to get weed from legit non-cops.

That shit is just a side idea I had. The real thing was when I was reading this shit I got to thinking that I basically created bristol. I mean not like out of one of those dinosaur pellets you put in a cup of water overnight, but more like an artist creates a sculpture out of clay. Getting her high, feeling up her rack, impregnating her twice: all my idea. And Mrs. Palin was trading on my son trunk like he was her personal retard from day one. So you've got two success stories from my fucked up babies.

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About This Column

Levi "HOckey" Johnston is a pro writer now and hockey expert since forever. He comments regularly on family life, politics, Alaska, hockey, vag, babies, babes, 4x4s, hunting, and stuff like that. Oh, yeah, and he was engaged to Bristol Palin and had one (two) kids with her, so...I can put anything here? He also fights like a devil and pounds poon like a demon. He's pretty much unbelievable. His life is a raw adventure to the root.

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