#14: "Dr. Who"
Everybody loves Dr. Who, so what could possibly be better than a Dr. Who FPS that pits our hero against his arch-enemies, the cumbersome and two-dimensional (literally) Daleks? Walk down corridor after corridor, admiring the space coat racks as screeching samples from the TV show blast your speakers into infinity. Use your trusty sonic screwdriver to cause your enemies to rotate 90 degrees, which is universally accepted as a sign of death. If I made any portion of this description sound interesting, I assure you it was an unintentional mistake and apologize.
#13: "Jay's Mod"
Half-Life inspired a giant wad of mods that ranged from "good" to "bad," most of them ranking somewhere in between. Unfortunately "Jay's Mod" is so off-the wall half-assed and void of redeeming elements that it flies off the chart and lands in the swamp of suckitude. Press keyboard keys to spawn shit! Then shoot them before they kill you! There has to be some additional angle to this concept, right? WRONG. Press keyboard keys to spawn shit! Then shoot them before they kill you! That's it. It'll make you loathe Half-Life for inadvertently spawning this shit.
#12: "Behind You Windows"
Maybe the "Windows" part of the game title was actually referring to its platform and I simply read it wrong. Actually the safe money is going with that theory. Regardless, "Behind You" or "Behind You Windows" dumps you into the "sewer system" and presents an "annoying" enemy who is "an invincible asshole" that teleports behind you to insta-kill your character whenever you "stop looking at their stupid fucking face." Maybe this game could be considered art in the same way that people look at utter shit and ask, "this is what they call 'art' these days?" By the way, the last art I saw was Tim Allen in "Wild Hogs."
Oh boy, another Slenderman game where you're in the fucking woods collecting fucking pieces of paper before the fucking Slenderman appears and you die of either death or boredom. If you're not familiar with the Slenderman mythos, let me catch you up: don't bother. It's no Tim Allen in "Wild Hogs" (NOW AVAILABLE ON BLU-RAY).
"Really, Holmes!" I dropped into my seat, shocked. "You are remarkably tall! What are you, six foot six? Six foot eight?"
As the 19th century diver approaches a giant clam, a flash of brilliant golden light flares from within the shell. I emerge in a swirl of bubbles and do the timeless universal underwater hand signals for the following: ZODIAC KILLER, KKK, BLOOD OF YOUTH
It is said the Lord did write upon the sky, "Only the Most Awful shall be cataloged herein." And a wind did come and blow away the words and turn them into a skull. And the writers did fall upon their knees and give thanks, for yea, the Most Awful was good. Thus the lists were born. Read them, sons and daughters, and be strong.