Hydrogen: Hercules: The Missing Bar Fights, starring Mr. Kevin Sorbo!
Trillaphon: I think pineapple Sorbo's my favorite.
Hydrogen: The Kevin flavor is a little too bitter for my taste. Also, pathetic. Well, more pathetic.
Trillaphon: More pathetic than cherry?
Hydrogen: I was going to say "than he already was", but I guess that works too.
Trillaphon: Hard to believe they didn't manage to drag Lucy Lawless into this debacle, too. I applaud her good judgment for staying far the fuck away from this movie, and not just because I don't want to get my balls chopped off by a magical flying frisbee blade.
Hydrogen: Maybe she's just been too busy doing things like working and occasionally being on TV instead.
Trillaphon: Uh, excuse me, that's no way to talk about the man who has 18 fucking projects in some level of production going right now.
Hydrogen: Jesus, he's like Nicolas Cage without the talent/Oscar. At least half of those must be sub-SyFyeyy original quality.
Trillaphon: Goddamn it, now they're going to make us watch all of them. The only thing that'll make me feel better is watching this new stress-relief video of Kevin Sorbo getting punched in the face over and over again. Payback's a wench:
|Music / Sound||-8|
Ferguson's long arm of the law laments the latest cutback.
Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.
Something Awful reviews the absolute worst movies out there. We focus mostly on horror and science fiction, because all writers here on Something Awful are huge nerds.