Hydrogen: I always knew CGI lens flares would destroy the Earth one day.
Trillaphon: That lens flare is just a side effect. If you watch closely, you'll see that the Earth was clearly blown up by a giant version of one of those crappy little 99-cent plastic disc guns that annoying people like to bring to the office.
Hydrogen: So does that mean the interstellar battleship belongs to the Dollar Store Empire, or the Dollar Tree Continuum?
Trillaphon: Nope, both of them were eliminated by the Dollar General Galactic Confederation. Poor bastards never saw it coming; the Dollar Generals were developing anti-uranium torpedoes in clear violation of the Zaxonia Conventions of 2849.
Hydrogen: That would be the stupidest sci-fi plot I had ever heard, if we hadn't already seen the Recon series.
Trillaphon: Speaking of ridiculously complicated galaxy-spanning sci-fi backstories, I'm so glad they took all this time to explain some deep backstory mythos, and then just totally ignored it so they could show people wandering around a desert in silence for a solid fucking hour.
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
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