Hydrogen: I always knew CGI lens flares would destroy the Earth one day.
Trillaphon: That lens flare is just a side effect. If you watch closely, you'll see that the Earth was clearly blown up by a giant version of one of those crappy little 99-cent plastic disc guns that annoying people like to bring to the office.
Hydrogen: So does that mean the interstellar battleship belongs to the Dollar Store Empire, or the Dollar Tree Continuum?
Trillaphon: Nope, both of them were eliminated by the Dollar General Galactic Confederation. Poor bastards never saw it coming; the Dollar Generals were developing anti-uranium torpedoes in clear violation of the Zaxonia Conventions of 2849.
Hydrogen: That would be the stupidest sci-fi plot I had ever heard, if we hadn't already seen the Recon series.
Trillaphon: Speaking of ridiculously complicated galaxy-spanning sci-fi backstories, I'm so glad they took all this time to explain some deep backstory mythos, and then just totally ignored it so they could show people wandering around a desert in silence for a solid fucking hour.
Good day. We are Hester and Karl, and we are something rare. We are a couple ... of Stock Photo Lifestylists! Lifestylers? We lead a Stock Photo Lifestyle.
I want my bed to look like the health department is checking for bedbugs. I want to feel like it’s on an episode of Maury getting scanned for semen.
It's still okay to like Ben Stiller, guys.
Something Awful reviews the absolute worst movies out there. We focus mostly on horror and science fiction, because all writers here on Something Awful are huge nerds.