Overview: A madman tries to crash a plane full of environmental scientists into the Bermuda triangle, using a computer virus to do it remotely because he's also a weird shut-in. The planet's only hope? A 15 year old CIA intern with delusions of grandeur and negative self-awareness. Place your bets.
Directed By: Dee McLachlan, 1992
The Case For: If you like your foley work to be as irritating as possible, you'll enjoy the water pistol that sounds like a .44 Magnum and other assorted sonic anti-delights.
The Case Against: Corey Haim as Lance Elliot, mildly autistic wanna-be spy teen, who travels from Philadelphia to L.A. to wander around being smug and pissing everyone off, from CIA agents to supervillains. Basically, he's the anti-Fresh Prince (the Stank Prince, maybe?)
Hydrogen: "Hey, what's a good title for our crappy teenage spy movie that makes it sound as unoriginal and cliched as possible? Oh, I know, how about The Double 0 Kid? And let's make sure we get a title sequence to match:"
Trillaphon: This music is giving me Vietnam flashbacks to Crime Zone.
Hydrogen: Oh no, wait, that's definitely a real Bond movie intro, my bad. Here's the actual, definitely unedited title sequence in all its glory.
Trillaphon: When you said "teenage spy movie" at first I was afraid we had to watch Shapeshifter again. Although even if it can't match that level of raw insanity, in some ways The Double 0 Kid is even more confusing. Like it's rated PG-13, for the sole reason that some of the actors get frustrated enough to say "shit" a couple of times. And then there's the latest Beverly Hills craze, hot tubbing in eveningwear.
Hydrogen: I might have felt a little bad making fun of the late Corey Haim, but since a main contributing factor to his death was rampant drug addiction developed partly in response to coping with/overcoming his child acting background, this movie pretty much killed him.
Trillaphon: He should appreciate us exorcising his demons by exposing it to the cold light of internet comedy, then.
Evil Cooper and Chechen President Ramzan Kadyrov have both been on a rampage, but who did what?
"Your left eye," the optometrist casually explained while blasting my face with a blue laser at point blank range, "is farsighted and shaped like an eyeball. The other eye is nearsighted and shaped like a football. Not even a good football."
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