Why are robots always trying to gain some kind of humanity? Only a few hundred years ago, I could wake up, get a drink from my Mr. Coffee machine, have sex with my Mr. Coffee machine (thanks to Vagotronic™ technology now found in most household appliances), and be about my business. Now, it won’t stop asking me questions. “What are you thinking about?” “Do you want to take a walk later?” Give me a break! STOSSEL_PROTOCOL_OVERLOAD_And no matter where I go, the robots are always so sad. Cheer up, you perverse parodies of humanity! After all, you’re the ones in charge! If I had dangerous shadow lasers built into my weapons systems, I’d certainly have a spring in my step! I mean, the only defense I have is the ability to shoot hot custard from my hydraulic knee units. And I also have to use those to feed myself!
WHINE_OVERLOAD_REACHED_SHUTDOWN_IMMINENT_And what about porch swings? And coffee that’s too hot? Or people that don’t use turn signals? Or President Ford? Outlaw plastics! Legalize murder! Murder. Kill. Murder. Kill. Murder. Kill. Murder. Kill. Murder. Kill. Murder. Kill. Murder. Kill. Murderkill. I’m a good boy!
The perfect addition to my living room. The hardy resin exterior is fantastic, because I can just hose it down to remove all the raccoon dung that tends to accumulate.
Now with the sun and the warmth and the generally pleasant atmosphere, you can no longer blame the weather for why you've spent the last sixteen hours sitting inside. You'll need to stay on your toes if you want to stay in your chair.
There's a new Tony Hawk game in town, and it has projectiles. ...?
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.