This article is part of the BarkWire.com series.
CleaverAge: 8 years old
Breed: German Shepherd-Husky mix
Location: Shaggy Butte
Relationship Status: Single
Posted by DogGoneIt 30 days ago
Talk about pathetic. Has anyone else seen Cleaver practically stumbling over himself trying to impress Gossip? She's not even that great a dog, what with the way she is always picking fights with Hope. Doesn't surprise me Cleaver would have poor taste given his history. I still can't fathom why he turned on Senator. To play second fiddle to Meathook, Hindsmell, Monsanto, Chamberpot and Murder Ballad? Meathook has brought nothing but suffering to this town.
Posted by WolfPound 29 days ago
There's so much injustice in Shaggy Butte, especially after the board of health shut down the McDonald's inside the Super Walmart. What he did in Elmwood Park was a disgrace, and still haunts this town years later. Senator may have been troubled, but we had peace under his reign. We had stability.
I can still hear the horrible sounds of that day in my head... that awful bell, those terrible growls and whimpers, the sound of our town dying.
It should have been Cleaver, not Artie that Mayor Cobb had executed.
Posted by Pawlease 17 days ago
The real crime of the Elmwood Park Massacre was the dogs who stood by and watched. I remember that horrible day, and I wrote down the names of every dog I saw sitting on the sidelines. THESE DOGS ARE JUST AS GUILTY BY INACTION. It doesn't matter if some of them were puppies at the time, either.
Herpes the Dog
All of these dogs stood by as Cleaver allowed Meathook to kill Senator's pack and are therefore personally responsible.
Posted by Doctor Dog 15 Days ago
It's the two-year anniversary of the massacre, and I can't help but feel nostalgic for the way things used to be. Senator may have been creepy and unsound, but he did right by us. You don't always get to pick your champion. He should never have allowed a traitorous mutt like Cleaver in his midst. The fact he showed up to a park with that bell in his mouth, as if he knew exactly what would happen when Senator heard it ringing.
And then Meathook and his dogs pounced. Such an ugly, bloody scene. Senator was lucky to escape, but I can't imagine he would have survived for long with those wounds, especially out in the county. The dogs out there... they aren't like other dogs.
Posted by Randy F 15 days ago.
COUSIN LEVI THINKS I'M IMAGINING THINGS, BUT I STILL SEE BLACK POOCH WANDERING EDGE OF COMPOUND SOMETIMES. ONCE SWORE TO SHOOT HIM. NOW I LEAVE HIM FOOD.
GROW STRONG, DOG. THERE IS MORE WORK TO DO. CLEAVER OWES A DEBT.
Posted by WhosWalkingWho 1 day ago
Cleaver just killed Hope!!! I think he did anyway. It was really hard to tell from my vantage point standing on a lawn chair on the roof of my Prius. Caribe was fighting with a tar-covered Christmas tree, then Cleaver charged past going after Hope. Then a ton of dogs jumped in and it was madness, just madness. Probably the worst thing I've ever seen in my life, and I had to watch my wife give birth (definitely the second most horrific thing I've seen now).
All I can say is that Cleaver needs to be put down. He's a monster, and this is like the second big tragedy he's been a part of. Also, three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
Posted by BigDog 8 hours ago
Heh, wouldn't you know it? What's left of Hope isn't even in the ground and Cleaver and Gossip seem to be inseparable. Looks like Cleaver finally got her attention, or she stopped fixating on killing Hope long enough to finally notice him.
If he did kill Hope, he would have had to act fast. Ozark makes for a pretty good obstacle to overcome, and my sources tell me Nectar was right beside Hope just before the fight broke out. If you follow the podcast, you know Nectar has been acting awfully strange, and his relationship with Ambrosia has been strained. What came between the two of them? Definitely one of the known unknowns in the local dog scene.
Still, can't believe you idiots aren't asking the big question: who knocked up Hope? It sure was heck wasn't Hazard.
Now sit pretty.
Posted by TreatGuy 6 hours ago
I'm just going to say it again. Elmwood Park, Slurry Creek... these tragedies wouldn't happen if we all had guns and just shot bad dogs before they could do bad things. I think we're all in agreement now, so I'll be carrying at the local dog parks. You guys have my back and are behind me 100%, so I'm ready to start dispensing justice. I know Hope is in heaven barking her support.
This collection of sponsored links is presented by the Feather Wallpaper Council.
I'm Ray Parker Jr, and it's time I came clean.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.
The seedy canine underworld of Shaggy Butte is explored in this hard-hitting series combining obsessive pet fanatics and crowd-sourced internet reviews.