THE DEED IS DONE.
Step 1: The cake.
Step 2: Girlfriend Emily "Integral" Reigel is given cake.
Step 3: Girlfriend cuts into cake.
Step 4: Girlfriend discovers "oddity" inside cake.
Step 5: Oddity, upon closer inspection, turns out to be engagement ring.
Step 6: Girlfriend Emily "Integral" Reigel says "yes" and will soon become Emily "Integral" Kyanka.
Step 7: Girlfriend, cat, and webmaster are all happy. They become one small, happy family.
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.