THE DEED IS DONE.
Step 1: The cake.
Step 2: Girlfriend Emily "Integral" Reigel is given cake.
Step 3: Girlfriend cuts into cake.
Step 4: Girlfriend discovers "oddity" inside cake.
Step 5: Oddity, upon closer inspection, turns out to be engagement ring.
Step 6: Girlfriend Emily "Integral" Reigel says "yes" and will soon become Emily "Integral" Kyanka.
Step 7: Girlfriend, cat, and webmaster are all happy. They become one small, happy family.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Cons: causes bad nightmares. I used to have to eat beef until I passed out to have these kind of terrors, but this machine does it for me every time I fall asleep inside it.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.