Daily SWAT: "Pumpkin DIEt"

Zack: Today's costume is the dog equivalent of those fat guy Halloween costumes. They're all based around a formless single garment. Costumes like "robed wizard" and "robed druid" and "mu-mued king."

Zack: Don't let your fat dog out in the yard in this one either or some mean kids might smash him with a baseball bat.

Dr. Thorpe: Yeah, this costume is just plain dangerous to dogs. In fact, look at the description: "Plant this costume in your pumpkin patch, and watch your dog grow!"

Dr. Thorpe: That doesn't even make sense as some kind of cute joke on any level, so I'm forced to assume they mean it literally.

Zack: This is the Halloween costume for owners that want to get rid of their dogs and don't want to be blamed.

Dr. Thorpe: "Oh, wow, I didn't mean to leave my dog out on the porch getting soggy and moldy till December, I thought it was a real pumpkin! Look how fat the little motherfucker is and everything!"

Zack: "Maybe if he would slim down I could squeeze him into the 'plus-sized maid' costume and this sort of thing wouldn't happen!"

Dr. Thorpe: "Oh shit, that reminds me, I dressed my son up like a vampire and my wife drove a stake through his heart, don't tell me we're gonna get in trouble for THAT, too!"

Zack: "The next thing you're going to tell me is that I can't just throw a cow head on top of my other dog, lock the doors, and milk all his fun well into the evening hours."

Dr. Thorpe: But seriously though, this dog is a fat little asshole. He also looks like he's taking a really mournful shit.

Zack: He had it coming. We warned him about eating all that poop. "Poop to live, don't poop to eat!" I said. He never listened.

Dr. Thorpe: Actually, I'm not quite sure this costume has a place for the poop to come out, so maybe it's just like a giant squishy diaper for really freewheelin' pet owners who just want to put something cute on their dog and forget to walk it until it's the size of a beach ball.

Zack: Then you set it on fire and get a twofer from the Halloween prank patrol. "Ahhhhh who put this burning pumpkin full of shit on my doorstep!"

Dr. Thorpe: "And who buried this dog in my pumpkin patch?"