BIDEN SEACREST: Wow, that's a shame that a great competitor had to leave so soon. Especially because I really admire and love pregnant women's tits. They are truly bomb-ass titties. And I know from a titty. (looks down at a cue card) Our next guest is Tyrone Blackman, 27, under suspicion of raping two white students in their college dormitory. Tyrone received a blow to the face, seven stitches and a broken nose, total cost... $3,500, which he cannot pay.
AL-SOTOMAYOR: Does your nose still hurt?
TYRONE: It feels like fucking shit.
AL-SOTOMAYOR: Debts cleared. (bangs gavel) You're free to go.
OBAMA: Blow that shit up, dawg.
Obama, Tyrone and the cowled Emperor figure mime making a terrorist fist bump at each other, and all let out a "Bwooossshhhhh!" noise while splaying their fingers upward.
OBAMA: Yo, Tyrone.
TYRONE: What the fuck, now?
OBAMA: What were you doin' out there got you into those girls dormitories?
TYRONE: Shit, canvassing the 11th District on the DL, just like those Census motherfuckers told me.
OBAMA: And you got two white girls?
TYRONE: Hell, yeah.
OBAMA: Do you remember the training and orientation video?
TYRONE: Yeah, whadabout it?
OBAMA: Do you remember what it said?
TYRONE: Pffff. Yeah.
OBAMA: What's it say?
TYRONE: "Anytime we got extra strange on hand, we gotta kick that shit back up to the top."
OBAMA: Daddy wants to fuck, Tyrone.
Tyrone walks out unescorted. He shoots a jet of spit out his front teeth just before passing out of the light.
Are we not allowed to be real parents anymore? We may have feared the CyborFreaks, but we damn well respected them and learned about boundaries.
A thousand years ago, dudes were dying from splinters, but now the wizard potion that cleans our light wounds costs less than a Dr. Pepper in 1994. I love this medicinal 7up.
Ron Paul spins in his chair, trying to grab his decorative antique musket but Freddy gets it first.
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