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FREE MONEY...some work required
Found a great system for getting free money. Mrs. Dorothy Derbyshire is a real shopaholic and will buy anything she sees being sold on TV. Not a day goes by that the UPS man isn't delivering her a ton of packages from all the home shopping channels. Well, I came up with a foolproof system: I got 30 minutes of time from the local public access channel every week and I just film myself pretending to be selling stuff like one of those real shopping channels. Works like a charm, because she immediately places a few orders and sends in money. Make sure you sell her stuff you don't need that isn't worth anything and charge a lot!!!
38 people found this post helpful.
If you need any dirt for gardening or whatever, Mr. Jacoby has quite a lot that that he's been keeping to himself. Recently I started helping myself to it and it's worked out great. Just start digging in his yard - the dirt is all located under his grass. I dug a pretty deep hole near his front porch with a backhoe I was renting and was able to fill up a pick-up truck. There's still plenty left, more than any ornery old man needs.
Be careful where you dig - I hit a pipe and ended up with a lot of wet dirt.
14 people found this post helpful.
Free Meat -- Won't Last Forever!
Needed some extra meat for a cookout I was having, so I decided to visit my neighbor, Old Man Norton. I knocked on his door but there was no answer. Since he's super old I figured maybe he was dead so I opened it up to see if he was ok. I called his name a few times but there was no response, so I figured I'd check his freezer and see what kind of meats he had. Boy was I in luck, because he was stocked to the nines in all the best meats. Love his meats. Anyway as I was pulling out some juicy cuts, he snuck up behind me and started trying to strangle me with a belt. I figured he has gone insane so I overpowered him and trapped him in one of his back rooms. I told him he was under citizen's arrest, but really I just wanted to get back to the cookout. I'll go let him out in a day or two after he cools down. Meanwhile it's a good time to go get some meat-- he's got way more than he can eat in his lifetime and he's crazy so he'd probably not really appreciate it properly anyway.
1515 E. Fillmaff. Freezer's in the garage, which I have left open.
234 people found this post helpful.
CHIRP CHIRP CHEEP
Need a bird or two??? All you gotta do is visit Ms. Adeline over on 342 N. Basin Street (the blue house, listen for the birds, you'll hear 'em squaking). I got sick of hearing all those birds yelling up a storm so I went and pounded on the door. She was a nice old lady but pushy but then she named her prices and I couldn't believe my ears. She has like a million birds and sold me two yellow ones for like $40 (she says they were worth 10 times that much!!). Thinking of going back tomorrow to get some more birds and maybe ebaying them.
23 people found this post helpful.
Tucker Carlson's idiot brother just called New York mayor Bill de Blasio's spokeswoman a "LabiaFace."
Hey, have you guys ever seen a picture of a cat before? Well, guess what. It’s your lucky day, because I’m mixing the concept of a picture of my cat with the concept of the Internet!
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.