Oh, you thought when Ace of Cakes got cancelled by the Food TV shits, good ol' fun-loving Duff was going to curl up in his cargo shorts and die on his oversized fat guy skateboard? Huh?
Think again. There's a reason I have a shirt that says "COOLEST CAKE GUY" on the front and on the back it says "BACK OFF" and has a picture of shades. Duff is back in business, and I've teamed up with Blue Bunny ice cream to bring you the one thing I have left in this world that isn't a fucking lie made out of Food Network shit: cake. Inside ice cream.
Remember that time when the Girl Scouts of America wanted me to make them a cake? Yeah, well now guess who is lining up for this cake acing? Big blue dollar bills.
You want some Carrot Cake with cream cheese frosting? Yeah, no problem.
That shit looked exactly like a Gobot before I dumped it into the ice cream machine. Trust me. Now it looks like stomach contents at an autopsy.
Republicans announce that all legislation must be voted on at 2am in a secret chamber, with no one but the lobbyists who write the bills seeing a single line of text. Democrats' Response: Stumbling around a field stepping on rakes, handles smashing them directly in their faces every single time.
There is a witch hunt going on right now and I promise you that you will not find any witches in the pleasure room in my congressional office.
For fans of meaningless awards, these awards are extra meaningless.
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