Oh, you thought when Ace of Cakes got cancelled by the Food TV shits, good ol' fun-loving Duff was going to curl up in his cargo shorts and die on his oversized fat guy skateboard? Huh?
Think again. There's a reason I have a shirt that says "COOLEST CAKE GUY" on the front and on the back it says "BACK OFF" and has a picture of shades. Duff is back in business, and I've teamed up with Blue Bunny ice cream to bring you the one thing I have left in this world that isn't a fucking lie made out of Food Network shit: cake. Inside ice cream.
Remember that time when the Girl Scouts of America wanted me to make them a cake? Yeah, well now guess who is lining up for this cake acing? Big blue dollar bills.
You want some Carrot Cake with cream cheese frosting? Yeah, no problem.
That shit looked exactly like a Gobot before I dumped it into the ice cream machine. Trust me. Now it looks like stomach contents at an autopsy.
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.