You like some red velvet cake with layers of sweet, butter cream frosting? Theoretically so do I, but here's some low grade shit with ripples.
Remember that girl who used to answer phones at Charm City cakes? Now she is doing a Nintendo themed lesbian burlesque to cover her rent. I hope you're happy, Food Network.
Want to know how much fuck I give these days? How about you have a Caramel Fudge Brownie Sundae ice cream I concocted.
No, I didn't really concoct jack shit. They just wheeled this thing out of the Blue Bunny food lab and it tasted like a hot trash bag full of vomit and then they showed me a check with my name on it and I said, "DUFF APPROVES!"
Transgressive author Chuck Palahniuk is here to help with tips and tricks to hacking your life.
Not what I had in mind when I ordered an Italian gondolier. This is literally just a tiny toy. Needless to say, the Italian businessmen were not impressed and I looked like a damn fool. We lost the pizza pie account and will have to lay off half our factory.
Time to applaud the man who applauds in a loop until the end of time.
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