It is a new stupid year now, and while some of you are probably excited out of your gourd, I'm sitting here shaking my fist at the computer screen while I type this with my other hand. That's because new years, for me, are just opportunities to remember how badly disappointed I am with everything everyone in the world does. One important thing I've learned about our society is that we have a way of warping and perverting every good piece of technology that comes along, and 2007 was a big year for that. Last year saw the use of hot coffee to purposefully scorch crotches; proud, noble lassos used to wrangle men; and somewhere, someone probably figured out how to bludgeon someone else with a VCR. It would stand to reason that Youtube would pretty much work the same way.
I'd like to reflect on Humanity's uncanny ability to foul everything it invents, but at the same time, it's January 1 and we should celebrate. I was thinking about filling up this page with animated images of fireworks and babies wearing sashes. Instead, please enjoy your Internet fireworks in the form of 3 dozen fat men slapping and rubbing their bellies for your pleasure. Happy new year, Internet! Look upon your own godforsaken works, ye shut-ins, and despair!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hows about you, me, and five uncomfortable minutes in my basement apartment next to the dusty Christmas tree that's still up from my last visit with my estranged children.
The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'
This ain't your daddy's globe...! .... or is it?!
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