A pink pentagram
The box of dirty magazines where people are no-clothes kissing
A weird old barn that had a dead animal in it
A bunch of decapitated dolls
The rubber sex thing
The hole we throw rocks into that never make a sound
Our other mom and dad that live in the cave
The really long centipede that bit Dylan
The other Dylan that walks around naked and doesn't say anything
The box of really dirty magazines where people are wearing some clothes and not other clothes and kissing on top of each other
The big dirty aquarium with the thing in it that screams if you walk up on it too fast
Human skull maybe, I'm not asking dad and you'd better not either
A treasure chest full of gold
A burned out limousine that has Russian flags on the hood
The rusted up WWII submarine and all those dead Japanese sailors
Parts of a tractor that we jump on and Ray busted his leg open
The swamp that sings
That one room that's by itself, like the whole rest of a house disappeared, and there's a pig in there and it just stares at you and blinks
The computer that's not hooked up to anything but it's always on and you can ask it questions
The other other Dylan that is older and limps and his arm is all withered and he asks us for food
All those dead little blue guys we killed with bug spray thinking they were beetles but it turns out they had like a whole civilization
A book with the weird words that make us dizzy
The super duper dirty magazines that are gross but there are also cool monster truck pictures so it's kinda worth looking at those magazines
A hotel concierge's desk with the bell on it that we're too afraid to ring
The woman that said she is god and she made us and everything else and she knows how everyone will die
Dad's high school football that we stole and accidentally threw onto the weird old barn
The huge field of marijuana plants that are like eight feet tall and slowly move around and if you stand real still they will gather around you and reach out to touch you
That dead hobo that we killed with rocks
A bunch of Halloween candy we stole from kids and stockpiled in a big bin
The thing that lives down in the burrow that we drop candy into and it sends vintage toys back to the surface
The big doe that we've seen a couple times knocking down birds nests and eating the baby birds
A huge in-ground swimming pool with a swastika painted on the bottom that usually fills up with rainwater and tadpoles
The genie that granted us all those wishes about finding better dirty magazines
That box of super good dirty magazines where everybody is a celebrity like Super Dave Osborne or Angela Merkel
The TV that we can walk into to get back to home as a shortcut, but we never actually come out of a TV, which means we just keep going deeper and deeper into TVs. Which is cool.
This libtard terminator keeps asking for guns that don't exist and I may have to close early out of frustration.
Editor's Note: Due to a freak power outage, this obituary of Barbara Bush was written without the benefit of research. In order to pay our respects to this great woman in a timely fashion, we have decided to post this piece as-is. We hope you forgive any errors on our part.
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