Your landlord is not going to like this. Another late payment is definitely not a boss move, especially after the last warning. Remember that warning? It went like this: "If you're late one more time with rent, I'm not going to like it and then you aren't going to like it. This is a warning." That's what he said, but in a Russian accent. He's probably going to break your legs.
You call your mom and ask if it's okay if you move back for a bit. Nothing permanent, you say unsure if you're trying to convince her or yourself.
"Of course you can," she says. She loves you very much and she doesn't care a bit about what your life has become. "Did I tell you that Tony and I got a dog. It's a pugaloo."
"Well, we did. Maybe if you called more often, you'd know about these things."
"Okay, mom." But it's not okay. Not okay one bit. She lectures you for twenty minutes about family. It's a sign of things to come.
"Do you want me and Tony to stop over and help you move?"
You look around your studio apartment, at the empty walls, the empty shelves, the empty fridge. You look at your lack of furniture, lack of anything, at your lack of existence.
"No," you say. "I'll be over soon."
"Really, Holmes!" I dropped into my seat, shocked. "You are remarkably tall! What are you, six foot six? Six foot eight?"
As the 19th century diver approaches a giant clam, a flash of brilliant golden light flares from within the shell. I emerge in a swirl of bubbles and do the timeless universal underwater hand signals for the following: ZODIAC KILLER, KKK, BLOOD OF YOUTH
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.