Big cuts to healthcare benefits! You really are acting like a boss now! You call the toll free number on the back of your insurance card and after twenty minutes of clicking around, find someone to talk to.
"Insure this," you say pointing to your crotch.
"Insure what?" The representative says.
There is a moment of silence.
"Were you just pointing at your genitalia?"
"No," you say. "But, I'd like to cancel my insurance."
Whew, the day's just beginning and you're already shaking things up. That's the great thing about freelancing. You're in charge! Now, time to get some work done. You pack up your laptop, you put on pants. You're locking the door when you get a text from your friends. They just got off work and they want to get a drink.
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
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