It is my great honor to have been chosen by the Goku Committee to announce the nominees for the 11th annual Goku awards for excellence in erotic fanfiction.
Each year the reclusive Goku committee of Internet celebrities and erotic fanfiction experts convenes in a private IRC room to discuss which stories written this year deserve to be honored. Once these nominees have been reduced to three per category they are submitted to the voting process to determine the winners.
Best Interspecies Erotica
"Empty Nest" (Friends) - Doug Ventura
Sample: "Rachel's hungry bunghole devoured every inch and hungered for more inches. Ross covered his eyes unable to watch as the enormous dong sunk all the way up her stink pipe and almost touched her lungs. The Pterodactyl let out a screech of pleasure and dug its talons into Rachel's boobs and it hurt but she didn't care. "Yeah I love it give me that pterodactyl penis in my butt!" She grunted."
"The Pit of Pleasure" (Star Wars: Return of the Jedi) - Doris Whatley
Sample: "Blasts of hot air from its nostrils assaulted her naked body and she writhed in its grip. The huge tongue of the rancor slid across Princess Leia's swollen love thumb and she shivered with pleasure. When Jabba said she was going to be eaten she had no idea this was what he had in mind. Suddenly a stiff object poked into her butt. She looked down at the Rancor's giant penis that was eight feet long and she said, 'Welp, they don't call me Organa for nothing,' and she spread her vagina open."
"They Have a Plan" (Shrek/Battlestar Galactica) - Carolyn Davis
Sample: "Bombs away!" Donkey shouted as he exploded in Apollo's mouth. The Viper pilot recoiled from the blasts of Donkey's spunk spraying out in all directions. Yet at the same time the pleasure was undeniable. As he sunk Donkey's girthy pole all the way into his man hole he wondered if maybe he was a Cylon too."
Best Original Crossover
The nominees for Best Original Crossover are all authors that consider the current subject matter of erotic fanfiction to be well-worn and pedestrian. They explore new frontiers in their writing by embracing the full spectrum of possibilities and combinations.
"Orgasms, She Wrote" (Murder, She Wrote/Aqua Teen Hunger Force) - John F. Coleman
Sample: "Jessica Fletcher reached between her legs and spread her vagina open with a click. Err positioned himself between her legs. Jessica turned to Ignignokt and moaned, 'Do it on my face.' Ignignokt squatted over her face. 'Prepare to receive the moon on your chin.' With a 'bloop' a brown square appeared on her chin and she writhed with pleasure and bucked with 5-6 orgasms."
"A Day on the Savannah" (24/Lion King) - Jason Bush
Sample: "Jack Bauer cocked the hammer on the pistol and pressed it against Banzai's temple. 'Where did scar put the bomb?' He screamed. 'I don't know anything," Banzai replied and Jack Bauer smashed him across the face with the gun. The hyena yelped and writhed with pleasure. 'You hyenas stink so bad," Jack Bauer said with disgust, but despite the smell he had to admit he was getting a boner."
"Fahrenheit 69" (Fahrenheit 9/11/Red Dwarf) - Sara Brightbridge
Sample: "George W. Bush resumed reading 'My Pet Goat' in an attempt to keep his mind off the naked body in his bed. 'You can't ignore me forever, Georgie Boy," Bush looked up and saw the hologram. 'Space Corps Directive 244 states that in the event of a National Emergency you should get buggered.' Bush furrowed his brow, 'I don't know…' The Hologram approached the chair on its hands and knees. 'They don't call me Rimmer for nothing, Mr. President," he panted sexily. George W. Bush grinned and threw the book to the side."
"Really, Holmes!" I dropped into my seat, shocked. "You are remarkably tall! What are you, six foot six? Six foot eight?"
As the 19th century diver approaches a giant clam, a flash of brilliant golden light flares from within the shell. I emerge in a swirl of bubbles and do the timeless universal underwater hand signals for the following: ZODIAC KILLER, KKK, BLOOD OF YOUTH
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.