What is the number 1 thing that people come to Something Awful for? Pet owning tips. People are always clicking around on this site looking for tips on owning a pet and when they can't find anything relevant they get angry and email me threats and stuff. So, here you go, you bastards: a thread from BYOB on why having an alligator for a pet can be dangerous. Perhaps now I will finally find peace.

vanisher

I have a wading pool full of standing water for my pet alligator and it attracts bugs, some of which may spread disease

vanisher

I also hurt my hand petting his sharp scales

Manifisto

alligator feed, while almost identical to crocodile feed, is subject to an insane markup because alligators are a trendy pet for a wealthier socioeconomic group

hockey jockey

Three of my relatives have lost legs since I got my alligator. Drivers keep mounting the pavement and slamming into them whilst distracted by the sight of us walking the alligator together.

Manifisto

alligator version of toxoplasmosis creates a strong desire to give belly rubs to large toothy reptiles

Putty

its very hard to clean an alligator with your own teeth when theres no birds around

Dads Dip Cup

only one that's going to be in danger is the next person that says "see ya later" with that dumb stupid smirk on their face

Starman Super DX

every time he brings me the paper it's in shreds. I mean, it's less dangerous and more financially irresponsible than anything...

vanisher

Tweaked my back trying to catch my over excited pet alligator when it jumped into my arms as I got home

Starman Super DX

having to pull him off of friends and family he wants to maul after they make the inevitable comment: "you know I hear alligator tastes a lot like chicken."

I mean I can't really blame him. He wouldn't taste like chicken because he would taste like alligator.

google THIS

My municipality allows all alligators except my specific breed and I'm under a lot of stress trying to keep my landlord from finding out.

FutonForensic

warning: watching this compilation of gators greeting returning veterans will make your heart explode from cuteness!!!

vanisher

Don't say "walk" around my pet alligator or else he goes crazy. He wags his little tail so hard it puts holes in the drywall

little munchkin

one of the most dangerous parts of owning a pet alligator is having to save it when it gets kidnapped by a gang of bloodthirsty international alligator theives

Macnult

Can't enjoy a friggin' Gatorade anymore without some rando walking up to me like "You gonna share that with him?"

Gone Fashing

all of my neighbors assume im from florida now

vanisher

Running with 101 alligator eggs to escape a crazy lady who wants to make a bunch of belts is dangerous

Ride The Gravitron

Every day I take my gator for a walk I risk drowning in pussy

– David "g0m" Dolan (@g0m)

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