These gently-used robots need a new home. Will it be yours?
Asking Price: 1300 Credits
Arctica swim. Arctica dive. Arctica often forget that human skull can only resist so much water pressure before it split like ripe muskmelon. Arctica use full capacity for apology unit but she still carried away from water park by national guard. Arctica need new home. Will it be yours?
You enjoy play in water? So do Arctica. Screams of panicked child do not stop Arctica from play. Even external shutdown switch does not stop Arctica in quest for undersea fun. Arctica known to turn lasers on those who try and stop her. Why they arm Arctica with lasers, she never know. But she happy for this.
Arctica kill count is eight.
Arctica mouth serve dual purpose: cup holder and love pouch for lonely sea man. You have what it takes, soldier? Arctica classy lady who enjoy meal with appetizer. Generous lover. No take Artica back to water park because she not allowed under court order. We make own water park... in bed.
Arctica kill count is eight.
Asking Price: 20 Credits
Tip-Top will walk for you. Up to ten feet, then Tip-Top will fall over and waste millions of dollars in investor money. I know what you are thinking: "A robot walking? What is the big deal about that when we have a robot President and his billions of robot sentries that will strangle and beat me for not following robot protocol?" You ask this, but Tip-Top has an answer.
Here is a game you can play with Tip-Top. You pretend to break robot law and Tip-Top pretends to chase you. Then you run up stairs, which Tip-Top cannot do. Tip-Top is not good with stairs. For a few fleeting seconds, you, my owner, can imagine as if you have triumphed over a robot. But please keep these feelings within the game context, as this event will never happen.
If you buy Tip-Top, he asks that you please clear your floor of all debris. In the home of Tip-Top's last owner, he tripped over a small lint ball on the carpet and his main power capacitor broke open. The house caught fire but Tip-Top walked ten feet to safety before falling down again.
Tip-Top's kill count is four.
He had a yellow inflatable tube around his waist, the kind with a comical duck head. There was a tiny fish in one of his hands, and a trident in the other. In the background a squirrel wearing shades was water skiing.
Republicans announce that all legislation must be voted on at 2am in a secret chamber, with no one but the lobbyists who write the bills seeing a single line of text. Democrats' Response: Stumbling around a field stepping on rakes, handles smashing them directly in their faces every single time.
For fans of meaningless awards, these awards are extra meaningless.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.