You can run for election for Chief Executive if...
1. You are pre-approved by the central government
2. You fulfill absolute compliance with all factors below.
In each case, you...
1) "You know, in many ways, there aren't many differences between an algae bloom and a rose blossom. Aside from the massive suffocation of all aquatic plant and animal life, of course."
2) "Everyone calm down. There is nothing to worry about. Algae blooms are harmless to humans unless an individual uses water for cooking, bathing, or drinking or, like, has their livelihood linked to the massively poisonous water that's been totally wrecked due to unchecked pollution."
3) "There are no algae blooms."
1) "People from certain regions and classes don't have feelings. They're like cockroaches that eat more."
2) "Some people truly like working in windowless factories. They are like the conveyor belt or the uncovered asbestos ventilation. Could you imagine an uncovered asbestos ventilation outside on a sunny day? Of course not. It likes being inside working at a grueling pace."
3) "There are no human rights violations."
Donald Trump is constantly being compared to infamous political figures and villains from movies. Finally, the correct comparison is here.
Now that Bob Dylan has won the Nobel Prize in literature, hopefully these other great musicians will win the award in the future.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.