EXT. NIGHTMARE ISLAND COAST - NIGHT
The crashing waves bring debris ashore as bursts of lightning illuminate the night. INDIANA JONES desperately tries to keep his head above water. He tumbles in the waves, plunges deep into the water, and finally fights his way back to the surface. He hits the shore and manages to crawl out of the water. He is choking. There is a DEAD BODY on the shore beside him.
INDIANA JONESOh no...Short Round. I should have never asked you to come along.
(seeing the dead body)
Indy starts puking. A massive wave crashes ashore bringing pieces of the sunken freighter. As Indy searches for other survivors, someone hits him in the head with a rock.
INT. CHAMBER OF BLOOD AND SKULLS
Skulls and blood and rotten dead bodies are everywhere. Dozens of them. Indy is oozing blood from a gross head wound. We see that someone has been crucified above an altar and all their guts are hanging out. Indy is tied up, but he manages to cut himself loose, but as he falls he lands on spikes impaling his leg. He starts puking again when he sees the wound, crying a little too, but then he gets up. He is dirty and covered in blood and looks super upset.
Indiana Jones sees the crucified body.
INDIANA JONESSallah...what have they done...this is all my fault.
Indy smells the gross guts hanging out of Sallah.
INDIANA JONESYou smell worse on the inside, old friend.
Indy hears voices and quickly hides in the shadows to escape.
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.