The crashing waves bring debris ashore as bursts of lightning illuminate the night. INDIANA JONES desperately tries to keep his head above water. He tumbles in the waves, plunges deep into the water, and finally fights his way back to the surface. He hits the shore and manages to crawl out of the water. He is choking. There is a DEAD BODY on the shore beside him.

(seeing the dead body)
Oh no...Short Round. I should have never asked you to come along.

Indy starts puking. A massive wave crashes ashore bringing pieces of the sunken freighter. As Indy searches for other survivors, someone hits him in the head with a rock.


Skulls and blood and rotten dead bodies are everywhere. Dozens of them. Indy is oozing blood from a gross head wound. We see that someone has been crucified above an altar and all their guts are hanging out. Indy is tied up, but he manages to cut himself loose, but as he falls he lands on spikes impaling his leg. He starts puking again when he sees the wound, crying a little too, but then he gets up. He is dirty and covered in blood and looks super upset.

Indiana Jones sees the crucified body.

Sallah...what have they done...this is all my fault.

Indy smells the gross guts hanging out of Sallah.

You smell worse on the inside, old friend.

Indy hears voices and quickly hides in the shadows to escape.

More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Hows about you, me, and five uncomfortable minutes in my basement apartment next to the dusty Christmas tree that's still up from my last visit with my estranged children.

  • Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'

Copyright ©2015 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.