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Q: What do you think of this?
a) I hate it
b) I think it's good
c) I think the font size should be slightly larger
Q: Which of these is best?
a) I desire the money - that precious dollar bag - above all else
b) The heart... the heart! Give me the heart
c) To me there is none better than the humble square itself
Q: Please imagine this shape upside down.
a) Uaaah! Agh! No good! Can't do it!
c) Done. I have also imagined what the shape would be like in 3D
Q: Which one of these is best to do?
a) Taking a "selfy" and watching KIM KARDASHIAN on TV
b) Drinking a glass of water with a single ice cube. in it
c) Reading the world's most complicated novel and doing a division sum in your head
Q: Would you rather have sex or look at a computer for upwards of 10 hours every day?
a) I would rather have sex than look at the bastard computer box - loathsome devil machine from my nightmares - for even one god damned second
b) I would rather look at the computer for a thousand years without blinking once than have even the slightest bit of sex
c) I give myself up entirely to the cold hand of technology
Q: What number am I thinking of?
Q: Pictured below is the hardest Free IQ Test question ever written. Can you divine the correct answer?
a) I do not even understand the question. How can one spell a word backwards? To me it is no surprise that one must be PHD Certified in order to answer this question
b) I can not - but how am I supposed to, when even the famous statue "THE THINKER" is confused
c) Try as I might, I cannot solve this puzzle, even with my towering, c)-choosing intellect
Q: What is 2+2?
a) Duh. 5
b) Between 2 and 10
c) The answer to me is so obvious. I know it
Q: Do you want to sign up to receive promotional offers from Something Awful LLC and our advertising subsidiaries?
b) No... I don't
Republicans announce that all legislation must be voted on at 2am in a secret chamber, with no one but the lobbyists who write the bills seeing a single line of text. Democrats' Response: Stumbling around a field stepping on rakes, handles smashing them directly in their faces every single time.
There is a witch hunt going on right now and I promise you that you will not find any witches in the pleasure room in my congressional office.
For fans of meaningless awards, these awards are extra meaningless.
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