You aren't sure what's so special about the opening ceremony, but something is making your heart skip a beat. Perhaps it's national pride, or the ridiculous scene of a man being lifted on wires to light the torch, or maybe it's the hundreds of Asian girls dancing around for three hours. Whatever it is, you're sure there's magic around. Yes, you must compete in the Olympics. This is your chance for fame, for glory, for a girlfriend-an Asian one! On the other hand, your torrents desperately need seeded.
Do yourself a favor and don't click on any of these buttons down here.
"Really, Holmes!" I dropped into my seat, shocked. "You are remarkably tall! What are you, six foot six? Six foot eight?"
As the 19th century diver approaches a giant clam, a flash of brilliant golden light flares from within the shell. I emerge in a swirl of bubbles and do the timeless universal underwater hand signals for the following: ZODIAC KILLER, KKK, BLOOD OF YOUTH
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.