• *pisses dignity down leg*1968 - John McCain, a prisoner of war in North Vietnam, experiences torture at the hands of enemy forces. When later asked about this torture, he claims to not have liked it very much.
  • November 4, 2005 - John McCain is seen leaving a screening of Saw 2 sporting a visible erection.

  • February 12, 1987 - At a local Denny's, an AP correspondent overhears John McCain sending back a sandwich with mayonnaise on it because he "can't stand the stuff."
  • March 5, 2004 - On a dare, John McCain chugs an entire jar of Miracle Whip at a Republican fundraiser for 20 dollars. Scott McClellan vomits when the Senator moves onto the stadium mustard.

  • July 14, 1998 - In an interview with Modern Maturity magazine, Senator McCain refers to himself as a "dog person."
  • July 8, 2006 - McCain attends the 2006 Cat Fanciers' Association Banquet and sticks his entire nose in the asshole of a Calico Manx as a "practical joke."

  • February 13, 2000 - Aboard the Straight Talk Express, John McCain angrily turns off a new episode of The Simpsons, grumbling that "the show has been complete shit since last year."
  • March 20, 2005 - John McCain posts the following review of the Simpsons episode "Mobile Homer" on nohomers.net, immediately after it airs:

  • 1992 - On the campaign trail, a harried John McCain tells wife Cindy, "At least I don't plaster on the makeup like a trollop, you cunt."
  • 2005 - Changing his stance on cunts, McCain now refers to his wife by the pet name "you great mountain of a whore."
More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Hows about you, me, and five uncomfortable minutes in my basement apartment next to the dusty Christmas tree that's still up from my last visit with my estranged children.

  • Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'

Copyright ©2015 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.