Before launching into the star-spangled array of exciting content we've got planned for today, I'd like to alert everybody to my interview on Hyponerdia. Despite my constant, nonstop teasing of Steve (the guy who runs the site), I have to admit that he is actually a nice guy. He can get a little weird at times, and ask questions regarding my genitalia, and go on and on about nothing, and be generally obnoxious, and drive me crazy with all his stupid remarks, and act like some heroin-crazed junkie hopped up on goofball, but he sure... uh... wait a minute. Now that I think about it, the guy's not nice at all! Don't even bother reading the interview! In fact, stay as far away as possible from Steve! Don't even risk saying his name three times, as he could vaporize out of nowhere and kill you ala "Candyman"! If any of your friends are named "Steve", throw rocks at them until they die! I'm sorry I even brought up this whole interview thing to begin with.
Here's the link to the interview in case you missed it the first time!
On a somewhat non-related note, which of the icons featured in the middle of this page does NOT belong? I'm not saying the SA logo isn't sexy or anything, but this puzzle sure is a real brain-teaser!
Today's episode: Kitty and that other kid learn a valuable lesson about the Police and their reign of terror! Next time you see a "boy in blue", perhaps Kitty's teachings will remind you to never blindly trust them! The Policeman is in fact NOT your friend - he is a fascist, cruel, oppressive dictator who violates your rights every chance he gets!
Kitty the Talking Octopus once again comes through and helps our children learn... and isn't learning what it's all about? Please sit down with your kids and enjoy today's episode of Kid's Korner.
Indeed, the addition of the tunnel (or "Bot Butthole Alley, as I like to call it) seems to be nothing more than an attempt to deny the fact that the author has essentially designed an inferior DOOM style level with annoying fog and a jump pad. One falls down through a square unadorned hole in the middle of the maze and falls straight down into a murky underlit passage whose texture I cannot dare to guess at ... one proceeds down the passage and steps onto a jump pad that hurls you up any number of times until you maneuver yourself to land on one of the catwalks stuck in the wall overlooking the maze.
This game is, in fact, about a boy and his blob. I’m just clearing that up so you don’t mistake the title for a clever metaphor and play this game thinking you’ll receive something more entertaining than watching your wounds scab up. You control your "blob" via two means: whistling and jelly beans (I would once again like to remind you that this should in fact, be taken literally, and that I am not fabricating any part of this plot summary). You start off in some desolate unnamed city with no real purpose. You then run around with your blob and… well... I’m not sure what they intended for your to do. Once I managed to get some gold, but it just made my score 1000 instead of zero. A disappointment to say the least, as I could find no other object or person in the entire level. However, after playing the game for a while, I began to slowly realize that the object of the game is to get frustrated to the point that you smash your controller and write a personal letter to Mr. David Crane, telling him what an enormous piece of monkey shit he is for making this game.
More blob for your dollar! And no, I do not know what that means!
Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.
A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.
Expendable? You must be joking.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.