Ladies and gentlemen, how NOT to ask for hosting on SA:
How long does it take for you to answer your jobs@some etc email? I mean 5 days? Come on. Pick up the pace.
Yes, it sometimes takes me over a week to answer email. Sometimes two weeks. Sweet talk demanding I "pick up the pace" probably isn't going to help your cause any. I've had over 248 hosting requests in five days, so it may take me a while to get to yours. In the meantime, why don't you enjoy some wholesome, family entertainment?
Daily Radar, the online gaming magazine known throughout the industry for being "a site which contains both the words 'Daily' and 'Radar' in its name", has a wonderful, smash-hit deal for all you aspiring webmasters out there looking to cash in on the fame and fortune of running your own gaming website! Sounds too good to be true? Well it isn't, you stupid, ignorant bastard! Check out this incredible opportunity their site is offering!
Earn additional revenue from your web-site while offering visitors opportunities to purchase discounted merchandise and chances to win great prizes. Daily Radar is the website for the plugged-in generation.
Benefits:Earn .03 cents for clickthrough from link;
Wow! A WHOLE .03 CENTS PER CLICKTHROUGH... AND you get to be associated with the infinite mass of countless ad boxes that is Daily Radar? That's too good to be true! Let's see... I want to go all out and treat Angela and myself to a fancy dinner at Wendy's. That should probably cost around $9.00 max. Now to earn enough money for us to both eat at Wendy's, people will only have to click on my Daily Radar link a mere 30,000 times! What a fabulous deal! Let's also assume that Daily Radar gets the absolute bare-bottom minimum CPM of $5.00 per 1,000 hits (there's so many ads on each page, I doubt they get any less). This means that you earn $9 for every $150 you send them! Boy, Daily Radar is sure coming through for us gamers! If they keep on providing such remarkably fabulous offers, my exclamation point key may just spontaneously combust from all the times I press it!!!
PS: Daily Radar is fresh, funny, and "in your face"! An extra wet kiss goes out to Alex who found this monstrosity of "humor" (I assume that was the original intent of the article, although after reading it again, I am not quite sure). How he discovered this masterpiece wedged between countless ad boxes and ad boxes disguised as "featured content", I'll never know. Hell, I'll probably never even know why he was visiting Daily Radar in the first place. I assume he lost a bet.
Ooh, what's this? Four new cards from the Heroes of the Gaming Industry green deck? Girl, you know it's true!
Card 05 - George Broussard
Card 06 - Ultima Online
Card 07 - Bitboys
Card 08 - The Webmaster
More fun than you can shake an array of sticks at!
Although it's not nearly as entertaining as an email demanding I hurry the hell up and reply, Cliff Yablonski was kind enough to send me this gem:
From: cliff yablonski
ive updated my site with two more pages of people I hate. if you dont want to see your malformed, ugly mug on them, you'd better post a link to them NOW.
Oh, that Cliff Yablonski! He always brings a tear to my eye... but never for the right reasons.
I did not see the Tokyo Game Show this year.
We use the hands to shred PHONE BILL. We know not where PHONE BILL originated, nor do we know what it means. These are matters of some philosophical debate. Some say the entire subject is out of our hands.
Candles scented like Destiny planets - increases KDR by 26%!
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.