I gotta show you somethin'.
Wait! Try these on!
Put these on!
I'm tellin' you dumb sonuva bi-
I'm tryin' to save you and your family's life.
I'm givin' you a choice. Either put on these glasses, or start eatin' that trash can.
I don't wanna fight ya! I don't wanna fight ya!
Put on the glasses!
If he reaches 2026, he'll-
Just put on the-
It's all a lie! You've got to see what him and his supporters-
I will suplex you through that window! Just put the-
How do you think a half-term black Senator could beat me!? Magic!? Not so-
Now, all I want is for you to put the-
Sorry I had to bite you, now just-
That was dirty!
Look at 'em, they're everywhere!
The kids! The blacks! The college educated!
No, the guy right there. Drinking the coffee.
He put milk in it! Don't you see, that makes it a latte!!! That means he's one of them. They're conspiring to take over the-
Don't give me that! The glasses work!
Sister, life's a bitch. And she's back in heat!
This is very real. As an insider I possess damning evidence that could utterly destroy Something Awful. This website has many enemies who appear to be coming to power in the United States. They probably have lots of money at their disposal, and I could really use some.
Don't let the winter dryness destroy your sinuses.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.