This article is part of the Video Game Classifieds series.
Rapture, the world's most inspiring monument to the unchained and unfettered potential of Man's Will, is served by a number of newspapers, including the Rapture Standard and the Rapture Tribune. Like all respectable rags, these two titans feature classified ads helping the free residents of this great underwater free market city buy, sell, and trade without any interference from government parasites. These are some of those classified ads.
Republicans announce that all legislation must be voted on at 2am in a secret chamber, with no one but the lobbyists who write the bills seeing a single line of text. Democrats' Response: Stumbling around a field stepping on rakes, handles smashing them directly in their faces every single time.
There is a witch hunt going on right now and I promise you that you will not find any witches in the pleasure room in my congressional office.
For fans of meaningless awards, these awards are extra meaningless.
Buy three Epic Loot Crates for only $7.99, get a free fourth loot crate for only $2.99!
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.
Find power-ups and more browsing classified ads plucked from the highly logical world of video games.