This article is part of the Video Game Classifieds series.
Rapture, the world's most inspiring monument to the unchained and unfettered potential of Man's Will, is served by a number of newspapers, including the Rapture Standard and the Rapture Tribune. Like all respectable rags, these two titans feature classified ads helping the free residents of this great underwater free market city buy, sell, and trade without any interference from government parasites. These are some of those classified ads.
The treacherous New England Patriots are guilty of deflating their footballs. We must punish them severely in the name of holy retribution. This transgression has been the biggest headline in the United States for an entire week, and it should be the primary concern of all nations.
We have used extensive market research to determine the average consumers of America's favorite rolls of caramel-oozing choco cysts.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.
Find power-ups and more browsing classified ads plucked from the highly logical world of video games.