This article is part of the Roamin' Dad series.
GREETINGS from your dear dad out on th eroad. I know its the holiday time and i am sorry in advance for not getting you anything i have been busy. i did buy you a box of oranges for xmas but they were bad when you bust open the oranges they smell like palmolive and oiled leather so i Bartered them to a man for a series of furnace parts and holiday hugs. I did try harder though
To make money for the holiday season i told a man i could make him a web site. so after a little client sweet talking i told him i was ready to type it up and asked what he wanted on it and he said it was going to be a controversy in the community a real fly in the ointment of city hall and i said well Hooty Hoo Get On WIth It and he said "Greetings And Welcome to my home on the web. I am going to find the men who yelled at my wife on the street!! You thugs are a bruise on this town" and whatnot. he started getting really steamed and angry which pats my butter so i put the phone down and drove off slowly so he wouldnt hear my tires or my unbelievable groan once i got to the car
I decided to give up the Net for that reason but also because its too easy to get caught not doing work. Just one phone call "Hello police? There is a man on the computer with the name "Robber1956" thought you should be aware. There's more info in my email." that's all it takes just 1 time 1 strike you're out
Heres your new money maker an untapped market I know we all have the shirt that says "if you can read this the BITCH fell off!" but how many of us have a back tattoo that says "if you can read this my shirt fell off also"?? Stylish sexy and practical aka a triple treat
Of course the classic way to become a millionare is to be on TV and youre in luck because I have a show for you to do.... "Welcome to Platitudes my circus show on the tv. With me today is Trade School Man who is going to show me the tricks of the cooking trade Come to the big top one and all. But you wont find circus acts in this arena you will only find Gruff Men making your food. Nothing is real at the cirucs Reality is a construct we make your food live on tv. By having the stars cook food during the show it cuts operating costs Then when a customer gets mad live on tv we say "Would you like some Fries with that bowl cut??" and thats that. it would be just like printing money which we would also do
Back in the year 1995 i snuck into a trade show about VIRTUAL REALITY and i know how to make your money a reality. You see in my demonstration i got on an exercise bike hooked up to a set of goggles and as i rode the bike i floated through a magic 3D world well the future of this 3D world is Hot Mamas...!!!! How about if instead of biking past a creek i ride past a giant Womans Thigh!! So Spicy... Or instead of having hills why not an enormous Lady's sensual Neck Cords drawn in a computerized 3d world and you can see the neck cords flexing while the head turns. Not my cup of tea of course but i am making this business model work for my pocketbook. The world will be called A Womans Thigh and NeckQuest
SO LONG DAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.