These tricks may no longer be performed in any public venue by a professional rope trick practitioner under threat of expulsion from the Honorable League of Lariateurs.
|1||The Rotating Hacksaw Knot||3|
|Though the risks are relatively low-- the trick has been safely performed thousands of times-- any decapitations are too many decapitations.|
|2||The Mississippi Lockpick||0|
|The League no longer permits tricks which can be used for illegal purposes, such as armored car robberies.|
|3||Burial at Sea||4|
|Though the league very much wants to avoid banning all aquatic rope tricks, the constant deaths associated with underwater lariat work predict a poor outcome.|
|4||The Martyrdom of Saint Abelard||2|
|Excessively cruel and violent tricks are no longer permitted by the League, even in an educational or religious context.|
|Though the death toll of the trick is relatively low, the modest danger of the trick is amplified by its shocking vulgarity. Dracula's Dick will no longer be allowed to embarrass our sport.|
|6||The Sheik's Harem, Tricks 1-17||4|
|Unfortunately, the Sheik has withdrawn his permission to make use of his secrets in American performance.|
|Safety is of paramount importance to the League, and tricks marketed toward children which involve swallowing great lengths of rope and/or tying ropes around the neck are no longer permitted.|
|8||The Hangman's Trap||32|
|Never before in the history of the sport have so many people been killed by a single trick so quickly following its debut. The seductive danger and ruthless efficiency of the Hangman's Trap must be contained at all costs.|
|Tricks which damage or destroy the hymen are no longer permitted by the League.|
|10||The Fourth Reich||9|
|Tricks which require special costumes are not allowed in League competitions.|
A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.
It's time we stop tolerating lawlessness in our cities and coddling these criminals. Twenty seconds to comply is too long for ED-209 to get the job done.
Expendable? You must be joking.
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