"The Rumpus Starts Here"
10AM - Expert Rumpus Men Dan and Lyle redecorate the Wilson family's rundown rumpus room, turning it into a recreational wonderland.
"Ruckus in a Rumpus"
10:30AM - Rumpus Men Bryce and Barron wrestle with a muscular client who's all hands. Meanwhile, Dan and Jeff help a homeowner discover a rumpus room hidden beneath his driveway.
11AM - Rumpus Man Chase makes dreams come true for an insufferable nerd couple when he turns a spare bedroom into a romantic tabletop gaming room.
"We Rumpus Here Today"
11:30AM - Rumpus Men Kevin and Jeremy prove anything is possible when they turn a cemetery into a beautiful rumpus room just in time for a wedding.
"Rocket Rumpus, USA"
12PM - Rumpus Men Chase and Lyle both miss the birth of their children to create an out-of-this-world rumpus room for a NASA office administrator.
12:30PM - Chase and Bryce create a rumpus room fit for a king when they they lend their regal touch to King Jonathan's opulent castle.
"No Way, Jose"
1PM - Rumpus Men Bryce and Kevin struggle to please a client more interested in devastating psychological mind games than rumpus room fun.
1:30PM - Kevin loses his cool and goes too far with a rumpus room renovation. Bryce surprises his estranged father with a rumpus room he does not want.
2PM - Barron and Jeremy overcome their worst fears to create an amazing rumpus room for rats at an injured rodent sanctuary. Lyle breaks a promise.
2:30PM - Jeff and Dan go in situ to create an impromptu rumpus room for a man pinned beneath a boulder in the desert.
"A Lady's Touch"
3PM - Rumpus Man Jeff teams up with Jill from Basement Bedazzlers to show you how to make the most of the rumpus room in your studio apartment.
"Put a Pin in It"
3:30PM - Rumpus Men Dan and Bryce give new life to a rumpus room full of spiders when they add a collection of vintage pinball machines.
"Way Down Deep"
4PM - Tragedy strikes the Rumpus Men when Bryce succumbs to a snakebite while installing a custom pool table in the show's first-ever rumpus hole.
"Rumpus in Peace"
4:30PM - All the Rumpus Men gather to create the ultimate rumpus funeral for Bryce, and surprise his family with an unforgettable rumpus memorial.
"Immure for You"
5PM - Rumpus Men Jeff and Lyle discover a starving man entombed behind a wall while creating a one-of-a-kind wild west saloon. Chase arrives at a decision.
"Pound of Flesh"
5:30PM - Rumpus Men Jeff and Dan deal with an angry client when their flesh-themed rumpus room goes dangerously over budget.
6:00PM - It's a race against time as expert Rumpus Men Jeff and Lyle rush to finish some serious rumpus room renovations before their wealthy client commits suicide.
"The Never-ending Rumpus"
6:30PM - Seasoned Rumpus Men Baker and Chase struggle to survive as they navigate a house with seemingly endless rumpus rooms and no exit.
Republicans announce that all legislation must be voted on at 2am in a secret chamber, with no one but the lobbyists who write the bills seeing a single line of text. Democrats' Response: Stumbling around a field stepping on rakes, handles smashing them directly in their faces every single time.
There is a witch hunt going on right now and I promise you that you will not find any witches in the pleasure room in my congressional office.
For fans of meaningless awards, these awards are extra meaningless.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.