If you love making fun of frumpy, politically illiterate white people, then join us in taking a gander at some of the highlights from last week's tea party protests! Special thanks to regular Fashion SWAT sandwich artists Zack Parsons and Dr. David Thorpe, who agreed to let us do this in the alternate timeline where we actually asked permission.
BobServo: As soon as I heard about Obama's new White Slavery plan, I drove down to my nearest Outback Steakhouse and ceremonially emptied a two-liter bottle of diabetic soda right there in the parking lot's only handicapped space. Truly, the reign of the white man was over. Then I went inside and ate an entire deep-fried onion coated in bacon ranch dipping sauce and thanked the sweet Lord my American car was strong enough to carry my bloated first-world body three blocks back to my house.
On the way to the parking lot, my mind errantly wandered to thoughts of that puddle of soda I had left behind-but no, there would be plenty of soda puddles at home. But not for long.
Brad: I'm just glad the era of reverse racism is finally over. How come perfectly qualified white people got passed over time and time again for the position of backbreaking forced labor?
BobServo: Am I one of the good ones?
Brad: There are white people and then there are honkies.
'We’re going to be in trouble!' Little Sister wailed, clutching her favorite book to her chest and sobbing. 'This isn’t fun like a story anymore!' But Big Sister was not listening, she was thinking. She grabbed Little Sister’s book from her and ran into town, yelling 'Help! A book made me and my sister hurt someone!'
I've been wanting to meet you all for the past few weeks, but I guess I cut an intimidating figure. I'm the new guy, with the cool job you've all surely been gossiping about. Yep, I'm the Lead Loremaster, and I'm here to enrich everything we do with much-needed lore.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.