My name is Zach Thomas and I am in this world for one reason: TO MAKE MONEY. I care about no one but myself and am not here to make friends but I will help you MAKE MONEY because I like to help others.Let me get a few things out there before I begin... I'm obnoxious, lazy, a convicted rapist, and best of all... I'm filthy rich.
I could honestly not care what you think of me. I made this page because people are always asking me how I made all my money and I thought I'd throw them a bone because I have so much money that it would not hurt me if other people had some money too. But not more than me. If you read this page and still do not understand how to make money then you deserve to die. In fact I hope a wizard casts a spell that traps you in an infinite time loop where you experience the Jewish Holocaust every waking moment of your life for the rest of eternity. This is how serious I am about making money.
Who Am I?
I'm the guy you see in a fancy car cruising around the parking lot of a hybrid Taco Bell/Long John Silvers and you stop and think to yourself, what a fool! And you know what? I actually have several developmental disorders and a severe chemical imbalance that makes me want to plow this beast through the wall of a nearby pre-school. In fact picturing this image in my head is currently the only way I can get an erection. But so what? I DO NOT VALUE YOUR OPINION and COULD NOT CARE what you think of me. I am rich.
I cut through the BS. If you think I am offensive or irritating or a danger to myself and others then close this webpage and return to your job at the legal system and continue wasting your time trying to put me back in jail.
I do not have any friends and AM NOT here to make friends. I might have a beer with you one day but I would make you buy it and spend our entire time together ignoring you and downloading jokes to my cell phone. Because that's what you are. A joke. And if you don't want to learn how to make money then I hope home invaders break into your house at night and force you to rape your entire family at gunpoint. Remember that I'm rich.
This is very real. As an insider I possess damning evidence that could utterly destroy Something Awful. This website has many enemies who appear to be coming to power in the United States. They probably have lots of money at their disposal, and I could really use some.
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