Serial killers are the scariest people in the world, so one would assume they must have the scariest thoughts in the world as well. To test this theory, Something Awful asked several of history's worst mass murderers to tell us the scariest things they could think of. Be advised, their answers are not for the faint of heart.
"A man in a top hat is eating a plate of maggots, and sometimes his head shakes really fast. Also, the room is lit by a swinging lightbulb, so the shadows are all weird."
"A creepy-looking doll opens its eyes."
"You're in an attic and there's a lady in a wedding dress by the window. You walk up to her and she turns around and she's a skeleton. You try to scream but can't, because you're a skeleton too."
Henry Lee Lucas:
"An empty nursery. A phonograph is playing 'Row Your Boat' at the wrong speed. The word 'HELP' is written on the wall in blood, and the 'E' is backwards."
"A woman is brushing her hair while a dead girl crawls across the ceiling."
"Time-lapse shot of a dead squirrel, set to dark ambient music."
"Da Hip Hop Witch."
"You're running toward a door, but the door keeps getting farther away."
"A jack in the box starts turning itself."
John Wayne Gacy:
"A Korn museum."
After years of being misunderstood, I had hoped we finally had "our" story. I was wrong.
He had a yellow inflatable tube around his waist, the kind with a comical duck head. There was a tiny fish in one of his hands, and a trident in the other. In the background a squirrel wearing shades was water skiing.
For fans of meaningless awards, these awards are extra meaningless.
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