Reviews Written by SlimeMaster42 (Lensville Hump, North Dakota)
Reviwer Rank:17638
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Slimeboys – The Original Series
Price: $29.99

Availability: In Stock

23 used & new from $0.29
A "Slime"-Dunk, July 7, 2006
The one that started it all. Who doesn't have a childhood memory of putting on their mother's best orange church dress and jumping into a ditch full of street run-off and sewage overflow so that they could be Brent Slime in a full slime cape for Halloween? According to my mom's lawyer in my recent child endangerment suit, this is a very typical experience for children, so I'm pretty sure I'm not alone here.

Slimeboys was not only a beacon of fun and warmth in the cold, slime-free landscape of 70's television, it was a groundbreaking political statement. Episodes such as "The Slimeboys Aren't Down With The Oil Crisis" and characters such as Jimmy Farter and Sparrow Agnew showed that a children's show could discuss world events with the same subtlety and depth as any news show at the time.

Stand out episodes:

"Slime Goes On The Skin, Not In The Veins" – Charlie Slime is put in grave peril when the evil Dr. Radio gets him addicted to a new drug called "Beroin". Can he use his kung-fu to overcome his chemical dependency, or is it lights out for this crimefighter? This episode was a metaphor for drugs.

"Slime Crime Time" – Brent Slime goes bad briefly or something. I didn't really watch most of it, but at 12:32 you can sort of see Jessica Slime's nipple through her shirt. Possibly the highlight of human artistic achievement.

To sum up, in the words of Jet Slime: "G'arf Nouigh'arg Darkurkur" (In the Slime language, of course, but a rough translation would be "If this isn’t a classic, then my skin isn't pus-ridden." It loses its poetry when translated into our tongue, but most things do…)

The Philosophy of Slimeboys
Price: $11.99

Availability: In Stock

69 used & new from $0.01
Expands Your Mind More Than A Heavy Dose Of radioactive Slime, June 15, 2006
I know what you're thinking: Slimeboys already had pretty much the deepest philosophy that has ever been written. Basically I picked up this book just so I could laugh at some loser trying to keep up with the Slimeboys, but it turns out that there were all these other guys throughout history who interpreted the Slimeboys's ideas into their own words.

Anyway, I found that rather than taking away from the Slimeboy experience, reading what Mose, Lao Zu and others thought of the show merely added to its depth. To kind of give you an idea of how you can stretch your mind and have fun with television at the same time, I'll quote the book's intro:

"Slimeboys was about a lot of things. It was about slime. It was about boys. But mostly it was about that love we carry in our heart for the place in which we grow up; a love we cannot let go no matter how hard we try. It also was about slime."

It was. It really was.

My Name Is George Fretzle: The Story of the Man Who Created Slimeboys: An Autobiography

Availability: Currently unavailable

2 used & new from $203.52
He Is Guilty of Only One Crime: Being Too Rad For This World, April 12, 2006
Written from the prison in Romania in which he was unfairly placed (please visit my website www.onemancouldnotpossiblyliftthatmuchdeadweightfreegeorge.com for more information), this book is a stirring revelation from one of the most misunderstood artists of our time. It's out of print now, but he's got a bunch still kicking around and it's well worth the trip overseas and a stay at the lovely industrial town of Arad to get one from the man himself.

I'm only leaving one star off because I think that asking a fan to do that in exchange for a book is majorly inappropriate but he told me he will totally knock that off if anyone else wants to come.

Slimeboys – A New Vision
Price: $53.99

Availability: In Stock

110 used & new from $38.02
I Will Murder The Man Who Made This Show, Murder Him WITH MY WORDS, April 12, 2006
A couple years ago some stupid Hollywood guy remade the Slimeboys tv show. They say just because it has high ratings and the original Slimeboys only ran on Milwaukee Public Access, that means that this one is more of a success. But they’re more wrong than people that think that Old Man Slime and Dr. Radio were the same person, which is to say VERY WRONG.

I could mention how they gutted the boys’ back-story just for the sake of being "PC" (like Black Panthers stealing white children and treating them with radioactive fluid to infect the white race is "offensive" *wishes he could roll his eyes a full 360 degrees*).

I could mention how they insisted on using make-up for the mutants rather than taking the attention to detail that the original director did when he hired lepers to play all major parts.

I could mention that this soulless rip off is actually directed and edited instead of airing whatever footage a terrified four year old child with a camera strapped to his shirt happened to catch while being chased around the set by the cast members.

Instead I will simply say this: they got rid of Jessica Slime. THEY GOT RID OF JESSICA SLIME. Why didn’t they just get rid of my HEART while they were at it, fascist pigs?

A Slimeboys Guide to Chicago
Price: $15.00

Availability: In Stock

88 used & new from $11.40
If you buy this book then you are in league with SATAN ok?, April 12, 2006
A lot of Slimeboys merchandise has popped up in the last couple years due to a certain international "scandal" (Please see my review of My Name Is George Fretzle.) It's great that this show is finally getting some attention, but this product proves that all is not well in the streets of Slimeboys-Merchandise-ville!! (Sorry, couldn’t help quoting the opening credits there.)

Anyway, while it is true that Slimeboys was filmed in the kitchen of a pizza place that had been dressed up to look like Chicago, this book leaves off every possible landmark a fan would want to see.

Where's the brick wall that the Slimeboys stand in front of when the logo comes up? Where's the famous Chicago Employees Only Bathroom that Old Man Slime hid in during episode 203: "Justice Is Slimed"? Where is that old city landmark, the Great Pizza/Breadstick Oven of Chicago, which bore witness to so many standoffs between the Slimeboys and their nemeses over the years?

I’ll tell you where: In what is now a Domino's Pizza about five minutes from my house, and NOT in this abortion of a book!

DuckTales - Volume One
Price: $24.99

Availability: In Stock

46 used & new from $22.00
The Best show Ever Made, March 2, 2006
This is basically my favorite tv series and also the best tv series ever made and also basically the best thing ever made of any kind ever. I am sooo in love with this tv series and I just know that no matter how old I grow, I will still feel exactly the same.

My friend Jamie says that I say that about everything I even slightly like but he's totally wrong and besides he likes gay shows like Friends and some show no one normal has even heard of called Slimeboys. I told him I’d watch it just to be nice (and also so I can rub it in his face when his stupid show sucks and isn't as good as DuckTales) but even if you don't compare DuckTales to a dumb kids show from thirty years ago it still stands up to anything.

~DuckTales will soar in my heart until my heart stops beating~

– Joseph "Maxnmona" Fink

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