Today's news media is a dirty whore, parading itself around in skimpy clothing and demonstrating the mental prowess of moldy bread. News is now more of an extended advertisement designed to get ratings and sell more advertisements, and the results chronicle mankind's delicious descent into all-out stupidity. With that in mind, this week the Something Awful Forums help the media along by showing them retarded and sensationalized stories they have yet to cover (possibly because they haven't happened yet)!

Ottoman is reporting the hell out of the news!

Symphoric was an apprentice to the master reporter Geraldo Rivera before setting out on his own.

After a long day of moisture farming, Kanzune scarcely had time to whip this up.

Ottoman overcame quadriplegia and a rampaging hippo to make this image.

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