Whoops, I'm running a little late. Better finish off this cup of coffee and head out! No time to pee first, but that's okay, my commute is only about 25 minutes and I don't even need to go.
Yup, traffic's moving right along. I might even get to work a minute early, which is good, because now I actually do need to pee. Maybe I shouldn't have had three cups of coffee, ha ha!
Huh, looks like a slowdown ahead. Well, this area's always congested. Once we get past this next exit, things should start flowing again. "Flowing" heh... heh.
Wow, traffic's really backed up. We've barely moved at all. It took me like five minutes just to get out from under that overpass. It's okay, though, I'm more than halfway to work so once the traffic breaks I'll be there in no time!
Okay, try not to think about it. You don't need to go that bad and thinking too much about it is only gonna make it worse. Just ... look for something to distract you. Put on some music. There we go. What the fuck is the holdup with this traffic? Somebody must have had an accident.
Hmmm hmmm hmmm okayyyy. Doing good, doing fine. Whew. Yeah.
Fuck, nope. No. This is serious now. Man, I really wish I'd gone before I left. I saved what, like 30 seconds by not peeing? Even if traffic broke right now I'd still be late to work, what's 30 seconds? Shit. FUCKING MOVE ALREADY GODDAMMIT!
I don't know if frantically bouncing my leg is making this worse or better, but I can't stop myself.
Please consider updating your plan to include Trickle Down Antibiotics, the Millennial Meltdown, and other new options.
The most beautiful woman on all of Facebook is no longer just enchanting your Facebook feed. She's here, y'all!
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.